---------------------------------- Note   3   letter to Bill 
               *** A Story by Dr. Graper ***
 
         4/23/82   5:52 pm     lynch / udperuse

Dear Bill:
 
 
        "Uh-noo-ah, uh-noo-ah,
         Kellogs-a-bring you
             UHH!
         Puffa Puffa Rice!"
 
             - Children's Cereal Commercial, 1968
 
 
     How you been, buddy?  No?  OK, I guess.  Last time I
was in Newark, I stopped over at Ben's pad and, believe it
or not, there was this weird guy living there with tooth
problems who informed me matter of factly that, "Uh, yeah,
that guy moved out a while back."
     Is he still around?  He didn't do anything rash, did
he?  I certainly hope not.
 
---------------------------------------- Response 1 of 6
               *** A Story by Dr. Graper ***
 
         4/23/82   5:53 pm     lynch / udperuse
          I got paid today, so I have enough money to afford
some stamps for once.  Boy, it was sure hard getting by on
$5 a week.  What with my having to attend Kung-Fu movies
once a week for my thesis and buying books for classes, I
barely had enough to buy a single bag of Nacho Doritos to
get through the week on.  Naturally I had a big 10 pound bag
of potatoes that were helping, so things weren't too bad.
 
 
     "Beat me, fuck me, treat me m_e_a_n_!"
 
          - Thomas Jefferson
            Address to the Convention of the States
            Philadelphia, 1775
 
 
     Black children outside selling lemonade.  How cute.
Just like the Little Rascals did in the 1930's and like
 
---------------------------------------- Response 2 of 6
               *** A Story by Dr. Graper ***
 
         4/23/82   5:54 pm     lynch / udperuse
Norman Rockwell painted etc. etc.  I think I'll go help
interracial problems on my block.
     I go down the street.
     I ask the kid for a cup of lemonade.  What?  Twenty-
five fucking cents for a Dixie cup of cut ready-mix Wylers?
Oh well, what the hell.  I pull a cup out of the box of cups
and hand it to the kid.
     "Nuh-UH!  You take d_i_s_ cup!"  He pulls a cup out from
under the cute little lemonade table.
     Uh oh.  Bad vibes.  Everybody else seems to have gotten
their cup from the box. . . of course, why hadn't I thought
of it?  That was the cup they were saving for a white 
person, just in case one decided to patronize them. . . uh
oh.
     The kid fills up the little dixie cup, pouring
agonizingly slowly.
     I don't see anything in it.  No ground glass, no
mysterious white powder. . . wait. . . couldn't they put
 
---------------------------------------- Response 3 of 6
               *** A Story by Dr. Graper ***
 
         4/23/82   5:54 pm     lynch / udperuse
evaporated rattlesnake poison on the rim where I couldn't
see it?  Sure.  Didn't I see it in a movie somewhere?  Yeah.
Damn, the little fucker picked it up from a movie on TV. . .
what a way to go.
     "Here," he says, pushing the filled cup across the
table.  I give him his quarter.  And stand there.
     "Ain't you gonna drink it?"
     "Ah. . . could I take it home with me?"  Perhaps I
could pour it on a plant and test my theory.  In the movies,
the plants always keel over when you pour your poisoned 
drink into. . .
     "Nuh-UH!  I wan' de cup BACK."
     Little prick.  For 25c/ I don't even get to keep the 
cup.
     His father starts approaching.  He certainly is large.
     "You gone drink it?" he asks, irritated.
     His father has a look of dismay on his face.  He 
probably thinks I'm trying to extort his kid for money or
 
---------------------------------------- Response 4 of 6
               *** A Story by Dr. Graper ***
 
         4/23/82   5:57 pm     lynch / udperuse
something.  So like a coward, or maybe like a hero, I chug
it.
     Bleck.  Little turd didn't s_t_i_r_ it.  All I got was
cloudy yellow water.
     "Thanks a lot," I say, heading back to my building.
     "You wan' s'more?"
     "No, thank you."
     And I'm still alive.  Which goes to prove something, I
guess.
 
 
          "Is it bigger than a bread box?  No?  Is it
           something you'd ordinarily have around the
           house?"
 
               - Ben Franklin playing 2_0__q_u_e_s_t_i_o_n_s_
                 with George Washington,
                 Philadelphia Common House, 1776
 
---------------------------------------- Response 5 of 6
               *** A Story by Dr. Graper ***
 
         4/23/82   5:58 pm     lynch / udperuse
 
 
     Have you got your office now at PLATO?  Must be 
interesting.  All your own?  I have an office now at 
Annenberg, but I have to share it with about seven or eight
other grad students, whole lot of 'em a bunch of film-critic
fags who won't speak to me.  Fuck 'em.  I just use a filing
cabinet to hold print-outs and tapes.  I'm working on a new
computer now, a thing called a "Prime" computer, interesting
but not as advanced as PLATO.
     Jeepers, it sure got late fast.  I'd best go now, I've
got a horrible "conference" tomorrow, a thoroughly nasty
affair where my research master (head?  leader?) goes on and
on about all his problems, creating more and more for me,
unfortunately making me earn my money.  I'll be down to
Newark-town sometime and will look you up.  If Ben's still
alive, say hello to him for me.  I sent him a letter but
don't know if he got it since I addressed it c/o OCBI, U of
 
---------------------------------------- Response 6 of 6
               *** A Story by Dr. Graper ***
 
         4/23/82   6:00 pm     lynch / udperuse
D, Newark Del.  In any case, I remain yours truly,
 
                        [signed] Dave