----------------------------------- Note 2 New Story *** A Story by Dr. Graper *** 4/16/82 5:22 pm lynch / udperuse unit start doto 1oop,n1<-1,100 mode (frac(n1/2)),x,erase,write at 1010 write Last edited July 2, 1981!!! at 1520 write Your Friend, Dr. Graper 1oop cstop ---------------------------------------- Response 1 of 14 *** A Story by Dr. Graper *** 4/16/82 5:24 pm lynch / udperuse Miles licked the stamp and put it on the envelope, pressing it down on the upper right corner with his thumb. Absently he put it together with a bunch of other letters he was sending and took them outside to his mailbox. Down the street he saw the mailman's truck approaching, so he quickly placed the letters into the box and pushed up the little red flag. All done. But just as he turned to go back inside, he stopped. Something was wrong. Looking back he saw the mailman was only five houses away, so he would have to quickly reinspect his letters if he wanted them sent off today. In the middle of the letters was the single suspicious envelope. He took it out, put the rest of the letters back into the mailbox, and inspected it closely. The address was correct. The return address seemed OK. The stamp was in the right corner. . . And then he saw it. The stamp. Something was ---------------------------------------- Response 2 of 14 *** A Story by Dr. Graper *** 4/16/82 5:26 pm lynch / udperuse peculiar about the stamp. Miles adjusted his glasses and brought the stamp closer to his eyes. It was day-glow pink and featured a line drawing of a middle aged woman dancing on a stage totally naked with the exception of two pasties stuck to her nipples. At the bottom of the stamp could be seen the line drawings of a crowd of old men watching on. Superimposed over the crowd in navy blue was the sentence, "Celebrating 100 years of cheap American pornography!" and the number 75, denoting the price of the stamp in cents. Miles was still looking at it when the postman pulled up in front of his mailbox and removed Miles' other letters. "Something wrong, Miles?" "What's that, Mr. Postman?" "You're looking at that letter mighty strange. You want me to take it?" Miles finally looked up at the postman. The ---------------------------------------- Response 3 of 14 *** A Story by Dr. Graper *** 4/16/82 5:29 pm lynch / udperuse postman smiled back. "Here, look at this stamp. You see anything wrong with it?" Miles said, handing the postman the envelope. The postman looked at the stamp carefully. "Sure do see something wrong with it. You put too goddamn much postage on this letter; 18 cents would be enough. Why, with seventy five cents you could send. . . lessee, 18 into 75. . .why, you could send almost two___ letters. . ." Miles shook his head violently. "No, no, I mean look at the stamp. . .the picture_______ on the stamp! What do you make of that?" The postman removed his glasses from his pocket and looked at the envelope again. "Hmm. Just looks like a Pornography Commemorative to me. . ." "But. . ." "Look, Miles, you want me to deliver this or not? I've got a lot more stops ahead." "I. . .I think I'll keep it. Maybe I can find a ---------------------------------------- Response 4 of 14 *** A Story by Dr. Graper *** 4/16/82 5:30 pm lynch / udperuse more appropriate stamp." "Yeah, 18 cents is all you need, yep. . ." and the postman was on his way once again, his little truck pushing him to the next mailbox. Miles looked at the stamp again. He could swear he never saw such a thing before. A pornography commemorative? He couldn't remember buying anything like that at the post office. You'd probably have to ask specifically for that type of stamp, and he always just asked for the generic type stamps that only had an outline of an eagle on them. The television had already turned itself on in the living room when Miles got back into the house but he didn't notice it. His was an engineer's mind, engaged in the pursuit of a logical solution to the problem of where the stamp had come from. "But Christy, what if Mike finds out I have. . . three_____ of them!!" a female on the television said. This was evidently very funny because a surge of computer-generated ---------------------------------------- Response 5 of 14 *** A Story by Dr. Graper *** 4/16/82 5:32 pm lynch / udperuse laughter followed her statement. "Where are they?" Miles said to himself, searching through his desk drawers, looking for the book of stamps he had taken the mysterious pornography stamp from. He could hear the television in the living room but his con- scious mind paid no attention to it. His unconscious was, however, at rapt attention, and that's what really______ mattered anyways. The computer-generated laughter on the TV subsided for a moment, then there was the sound of a door opening followed by even louder laughter. Evidently somebody came through the door who was very funny. Perhaps it was Mike. "Aha!" Miles said, pulling the stamps out from under some papers on the top of his desk. The TV kept laughing in the background as he opened up the booklet of stamps and looked them through. Sure enough. Pornography commemoratives. Four dollars and thirty two cents had bought him ---------------------------------------- Response 6 of 14 *** A Story by Dr. Graper *** 4/16/82 5:34 pm lynch / udperuse twenty four 75 cent stamps, a bargain very rare for the post office to offer, six sets of four different pictures commemorating American pornography over the last 100 years. Besides the pink one with the middle-aged lady in pasties, there was a green one with a black line drawing of a man taking cheap movies of two naked men in a motel room, a blue one with a white line drawing of an X-rated movie house, complete with men in raincoats, from the vantage point of someone sitting in the last row, and a final yellow one with a dark green line drawing of the front facade of the Trocadero, a famous Philadelphia strip and peep-show center of the early 1970's. Miles couldn't tell if these pictures were supposed to represent a historical record of progress or whatever. . . "Miles!" The television in the living room had spoken his name and he jerked to attention. He had been trained to do that since childhood, to snap his head like that whenever ---------------------------------------- Response 7 of 14 *** A Story by Dr. Graper *** 4/16/82 5:36 pm lynch / udperuse his name was spoken. ". .of the new Montego! Twenty miles per gallon. ." Miles listened to the rest of the commercial. His name had been used purely out of context. He relaxed. Miles sat thinking as the show on the television returned from the commercial. "Well, Julie, now that I. . . know____ your problem. . ." a male voice said, followed by a few more moments of computerized laughter, "I still think that we can. . .make ends meet." To this last comment, there was a weird "ahh" sound from the computer-simulated audience. Miles sat, staring at the wall. He discovered that he wasn't thinking about the stamps anymore. He was, instead, trying to figure out what that "make ends meet" business was all about. What did he mean, "make ends meet?" It had to be sexual innuendo. He walked out into the living room and looked at the television. On it, a female and a male sat on a bed, ---------------------------------------- Response 8 of 14 *** A Story by Dr. Graper *** 4/16/82 5:37 pm lynch / udperuse talking about something. Miles looked up at the clock and saw that it was 12:15. Naturally, the rest of the show would be all sex. After fifteen minutes of light plot, these half-hour shows always ended up the same. Damned daytime television. He pressed the button on the TV which changed channels and methodically searched one channel after another trying to find some cartoons. Engineering types like Miles didn't care too much for the dramatic stuff; they preferred their entertainment direct and to the point. On channel 33 Fred Flintstone was on and despite the fact that it was half-over Miles settled back in his chair and quickly picked up the thread of the plot. Fred and his friend Barney were driving home from bowling and talking to one another about their wives. Fred mentioned something about not wanting his wife to find out about "it." Immediately Miles knew what "it" was. "It" was his wife's birthday present, a big diamond ring Fred had bought ---------------------------------------- Response 9 of 14 *** A Story by Dr. Graper *** 4/16/82 5:39 pm lynch / udperuse the day before. Miles smiled. He had seen every episode of "Fred Flintstone" at least fifteen separate times before, and he always enjoyed reviewing the familiar plots. Screech went Fred's big stone and wood prehistoric car and the two characters got out and walked towards Fred's house. Next, Miles thought, Fred comes in and finds out that his wife has cleaned the basement and thrown away the old shoebox Fred had hid the big diamond ring in. But it didn't happen. Instead, when Fred and Barney came in, they found the house dark. Miles was confused. Perhaps, he thought, this is the episode where there's a big surprise party and every- body's hiding in the dark. But when Fred turned the lights on, nobody was there. So it wasn't the birthday suprise episode either______. Could this possibly be an episode Miles had never_____ seen? In the background, Fred heard some noises. Quietly, ---------------------------------------- Response 10 of 14 *** A Story by Dr. Graper *** 4/16/82 5:41 pm lynch / udperuse he whispered to Barney that there had to be burglars in the house. The two put their bowling balls down by the front door and quietly made their way in. Miles looked on in consternation. He had___ never seen this episode! Fred told Barney to get a big baseball bat and follow him through the house, which he did. The two followed the noises to the bedroom where Fred and Barney pressed their ears against the door. Fred whispered that he heard at least two voices in there, a fact which Barney corroborated. Fred then told Barney to stand ready with the bat as he kicked down the door. After kicking down the door, Fred and Barney dis- covered to their consternation that, laying in Fred's big bed were both Fred's and Barney's wives, one on each side of Fred's boss Mr. Slate. Miles was genuinely suprised. Hadn't this episode been different before? ---------------------------------------- Response 11 of 14 *** A Story by Dr. Graper *** 4/16/82 5:42 pm lynch / udperuse Fred and Barney continued their adventure, ---------------------------------------- Response 12 of 14 4/16/82 5:42 pm lynch / udperuse [Unfortunately, Dr. Graper has not finished this story.] ---------------------------------------- Response 13 of 14 5/14/82 7:58 pm lynch / udperuse grapenotes / cerl 4/28/82 5:31 pm burris / als83 / cerl Gee, I saw that episode of the Flintstones last night. It seems that Fred and Barney lost the rent money betting at the dinosaur races so Wilma and Betty had been working hard to make up the deficit. Mr Slate, lecherous old dog that he is, has herpes and passes it on to both women. This doesn't really bother Fred, who prefers Dino anyway, but Barney gets upset, divorces Betty, and moves off to a commune in Southern California where he meets up with a flower child named Maria. Betty is consequently left out on her own and commits suicide by jumping into the rock quarry. Wilma moves in with Mr Slate and Fred moves down to Texasrock with his rich uncle who also takes a liking to Dino. Bambam is drafted into the army and gets killed while bombing vietnam out of the stone age. Pebbles becomes a heroine addict and goes on to become a comedy star on late night tv. ---------------------------------------- Response 14 of 14 5/14/82 7:58 pm lynch / udperuse grapenotes / cerl 4/28/82 11:49 pm carl / dune / cerl But in part two... We find out that Pebbles was dissatisfied with her lot in life on TV, and after she receives word of BamBam's death in the war, commits suicide by eating 1000 Bronto Burgers at the local pit to raise money for dinodystrophy.... and after they find BamBam in a prisoner of warrock camp he is rehabilitated to civilian life, only to have a flashback and kill 124 people on the crosstown dionsaur by shooting them with a flintrock revolver...