---------------------------------------- Note 7 *** A Story by Dr. Graper *** 5/30/80 10:00 pm graper / udperuse / unidel Dear Friends: I walk down the street and every single person I see looks like they'd be a prime candidate for lead singer in some way-out punk rock band. Women in hair curlers and funny wing-tipped sunglasses, flab drobbling over straining elastic waistbands as they waddle slowly down life's Main Street, carting their overburdened frames in moronically expensive "designer" sandals from Sears, plodding relentlessly from hamburger joint to pizza restaurant to steak house. Ugly men in various stages of shaving, tatooes on their forearms, their heads full of stunted violence and self-destructiveness, bulgy from far too many high-fat foods, idiotically loyal to various outdated concepts conditioned into them rote in their dim pasts. Walking down Main Street. I have trouble not looking into their eyes. You're not supposed to look into anybody's eyes. If you look into their eyes you see what ---------------------------------------- Response 1 of 9 *** A Story by Dr. Graper *** 5/30/80 10:01 pm graper / udperuse / unidel they're like and that almost always guarantees fear in women and aggression in men. Sometimes, though, it means other things. With me, I have the feeling that my eyes say "Psychosis." Yeah. Terrible things go on in my head, and I'm sure people know. Terrible, terrible violent things. Walking down the street thinking and seeing all those fat, jowled women in pink nylon bra-less tops swaying down the street with scowls on their faces, huge, lumbering animals out of the primeval days with simple nervous systems and three brains: one in the head, one at the spine's midpoint and another further along towards the end of the spine, each loosely following the approximate orders of the others, vaguely grasping concepts of where they were, what they wanted to eat and so on, huge, HUGE, massive beasts of cellulite encrudded buttocks weighing in at three tons apiece, swaying obscenely back and forth on thick trunks of legs sweating profusely, billions upon billions of cells all chugging ---------------------------------------- Response 2 of 9 *** A Story by Dr. Graper *** 5/30/80 10:02 pm graper / udperuse / unidel relentlessly away, never questioning the rationale behind keeping this human mammoth alive, keeping its cigarette smoke-stained lungs moving in and out, its fat-clogged arteries pulsing with blood, never wondering why they have to work their goddamn balls off every moment narrowly avoiding adrenal imbalances, coronary arrests or pituitary screw-ups just so this thing can keep on merrily watching 10 hours of television a day or abusing its children. Christ, this bulky bucket of fat, its massive form taking up the entire sidewalk, no, the entire sidewalk and___ the bicycle lane of the street, swaying, bouncing, no, no, oh my god, that shadow! larger! LARGER!! IT. . .IT'S STARTING TO TIP OVER!! running pedestrians! it smashes through street and building signs, ripping gashing holes in the sides of apartment houses exposing tens of apartments' living rooms to the light of day as it claws with its pudgy fingers trying desparately to stop its fall. But ---------------------------------------- Response 3 of 9 *** A Story by Dr. Graper *** 5/30/80 10:03 pm graper / udperuse / unidel it is no good. an elderly man cannot escape in time, a child trips and falls, it is too late, SBLAMM it goes, smashing into the pavement leaving a two foot deep imprint just like in the cartoons. SMASH! BANG! Bang!. . . . .BASH! Bam. Tinkle. tink. Silence. Carrrr-RAK! SNAP! go bones inside the creature's body, now snapping under the incredible weight of the carcass. A pedestrian walks up and nudges it. phaaAARP! comes out of the form, a hidden air bladder inside discharging for the last time. A man goes up to a lampost now bent under the creature. "I guess we'd better call the police." Everyone agrees. ---------------------------------------- Response 4 of 9 *** A Story by Dr. Graper *** 5/30/80 10:04 pm graper / udperuse / unidel The police come. They reroute traffic. They "cordon off the area" with blinky orange lights and yellow string with little signs on the string every ten feet saying: "CAUTION - DOWNED OBESITE." They spray the hulk with Pine-Scent Freshener. Night comes and they go away to play checkers with the firemen. Vandals come. They spray-paint naughty words on the big thing's side. They spray paint "I AM A NO-GOOD, FAT BASTARD" right on the hulk's pink nylon top in big 1.5 foot high letters. They try to steal its extra-large, "husky size" sunglasses. They try setting it on fire but it stinks so bad they quickly put it out and go away. Morning comes. A big truck pulls up. A huge____ truck, like two semi-haulers end to end. Very specialized. It pulls up to the bloated white face-down blob, right along the side. Men jump off the sides onto it, begin fastening ropes to it, a front tow cable, a crane comes ---------------------------------------- Response 5 of 9 *** A Story by Dr. Graper *** 5/30/80 10:05 pm graper / udperuse / unidel over the side, they get out chain saws and begin stripping the blubber, cutting it into small chunks and throwing it into the hold. The stink is something awful. "Look Martha!" a nearby resident says to his wife, pointing at the operation going on in the street, "It's those boys from the oil company!" "Amazing!" "This must be that secret synthetic fuel they've been bragging about developing all this time!" the man said, smiling. "Boy, I'll bet those A-rabs haven't thought this____ one up yet!" Martha smiled and patted her husband on the belly. "Let this be a lesson to you about sticking to your____ diet!" They both laughed as they watched the sectioned and numbered remainders of the hulk loaded aboard the truck with cranes. Back to reality. The fat woman in the bra-less pink nylon top goes into a candy store. Awful. ---------------------------------------- Response 6 of 9 6/1/80 3:41 pm gellens / udcc / unidel A classic! These creatures are EVERYWHERE! ---------------------------------------- Response 7 of 9 6/2/80 9:29 am mcgrath / udnondev / unidel Really good. Andar! ---------------------------------------- Response 8 of 9 6/2/80 1:54 pm houghton / udperuse / unidel get them try-works fired up... ---------------------------------------- Response 9 of 9 6/4/80 4:53 pm dunham / udnondev / unidel A nice way to spend the last few minutes before closing time.