------------------------------------- Note  20   Rx 
 
        10/21/80   4:58 pm     brian dear / udperuse
[from an ancient =guidonotes= archive]
 
 
guidonotes   10/18/77  6:01 am    gilfillan / chambana
 
Dear Doctor,
        What drugs would you recommend for the common
(and not so common) cold?
        The over the counter stuff just doesn't give me
a rush anymore!
 
---------------------------------------- Response 1 of 4
               *** A Story by Dr. Graper ***
 
        10/21/80   5:06 pm     brian dear / udperuse
guidonotes   10/18/77  9:03 am    dr graper / udmusic
 
Dear Gillfillian:
 
     Since you don't live in Delaware, I can't really say
what good stuff might be circulating around your city.
But I do think I recall Rebstock saying that you had
the Grateful Dead in your burg a while ago, so I can
say with general certainty that some fine drugs will be
circulating after that bash.  The Grateful Dead seem to
concern themselves greatly with the health of the nation,
touring all over and bringing with them a wide assortment
of finer cold remedies.
     I'd recommend a few that I personally liked from the
East Coast Grateful Dead concert but I think discretion
would better be advised.
     But how about vitamins instead?  I once had a cold 
and took five vitamins hourly and in just one day. . .
 
---------------------------------------- Response 2 of 4
               *** A Story by Dr. Graper ***
 
        10/21/80   5:14 pm     brian dear / udperuse
guidonotes   10/18/77  9:11 am    dr graper / udmusic
I finished all the vitamins in the jar!!!! ho ho ho
Excuse me, I've been out in the cold too long.  I had to
milk the goddamned cows this morning and Bessy kicked over
her bucket, then Granpappy whupped me, so then I had to
do the extra chores before I came to class.
     "Let Bessy kick over the bucket again, huh?" Granpap
shouted,  "Then you kin go out and fix the tractor, harvest
the corn, bulldog and brand all the doggies (infant cows)
and polish the cruise missle.  Smart-ass college boy!"
     Granpap has always been afraid of the wolves in the
forest, and this winter's going to be no better.  Used
to be, when I was ten or eleven, he used to throw me
naked into the snow and then tell me, "You ain't a comin
in lest you kill some of them wolves!"and then he'd 
throw me down an apple peeler to kill them with and
shut the door.
     I guess I never killed enough of 'em cause he went
out and bought a cruise missile to weed them out of the
forest with.
 
---------------------------------------- Response 3 of 4
               *** A Story by Dr. Graper ***
 
        10/21/80   5:21 pm     brian dear / udperuse
guidonotes   10/18/77  9:23 am    dr graper / udmusic
 
Can't really say how old Granpa is.  He changed his 
name from Leon Trotsky to Farsifa Graper a long time 
ago when he came to this country, and he refuses to tell
anyone what he used to do.
     He did have a very stern childhood, I'm sure. Used
to be, he'd tell me over and over again the story about
how his father said,  "Ramski norchev semi tochatka sibi
         (English)    "Don't you never touch my gun, or
mamoochka tramchek!"
I'll kill you!"  so one night, when everyone was
 
asleep, he got the gun off the wall and loaded it.  Then
all of a sudden, there was his father, pulling his belt
out from his pants.  His father didn't say a thing, just
kept slapping the folded belt against his other hand.
"Eat lead, ya dumb old grunt (In russian, of course)"
and fired both barrels through his father's head.
 
---------------------------------------- Response 4 of 4
               *** A Story by Dr. Graper ***
 
        10/21/80   5:27 pm     brian dear / udperuse
guidonotes   10/18/77  9:31 am    dr graper / udmusic
 
Then he put the gun back on the wall and ran back to
bed.
     Next morning, when his mother found out, she was
really angry.  What with the new papered wall all covered
with father's cerebral fluids, she was fit to be tied.
She took old Granpappy by the ear and took him back behind
the barn and spanked him for at least two minutes.
Then she pulled out his thumbs.
 
     After telling this story, Grampa always likes to
laugh and tell it again, having me light up his pipe
(since he can't hold a match without his thumbs)
and rocking back and forth in his chair.