---------------------------------- Note 19 another Xmas *** A Story by Dr. Graper *** 10/15/80 12:31 am brian dear / udperuse "Goddamnit, Billy, hurry up!" "I'm hurrying, Dad!" Billy said, slowly pulling open the tailgate of the family car. "Jesus Christ, just like your brothers, slow as a goddamn mule," Father bellowed, stuffing the Christmas tree into the back of their '72 Belair Station Wagon. "Dad, look!" Billy exclaimed, pointing to another car that was driving away with another Christmas pine protruding from it rear. "Was it Mr. Redmann?" "Yes!" "Good Lord, what a start! Get in the car!" The two quickly got into the front seats and Dad started the car. "If you hadn't been so slow____, we'd be halfway home by now!" "I'm sorry, Dad," Billy said quietly. "Well, there's nothing I can do about it except try and catch up. I hope this old car can make it." "I hope so too, Dad." "Will you shut up?" Dad shouted at Billy's darkened corner. When the engine had idled sufficiently, he slammed ---------------------------------------- Response 1 of 13 *** A Story by Dr. Graper *** 10/15/80 12:42 am brian dear / udperuse the vehicle into reverse and backed out of the tree seller's parking lot, then shifted into drive and gassed the car on, causing it to slip slightly on the snow on the road. "Why can't your mother remember to put the studs on this thing," Dad rhetorically asked. Billy chose to answer with silence, since he knew he would only be told to shut-up more violently than before, and quietly sat down in his corner, trying not to breathe too loudly. They drove on in silence for about ten minutes, until the silence was broken by Billy's stomach suddenly grumbling in hunger. "Would you shut-up??" Dad shouted. "I can't help... I'm sorry." "You oughta be, holding me up like that and letting Redmann... hey, isn't that Redmann's Chevy up there?" "Where?" "Up there!" "Where's that, Dad?" Dad grabbed Billy's head and pressed his little face up against the inside of the windshield. "Up there, stupid! ---------------------------------------- Response 2 of 13 *** A Story by Dr. Graper *** 10/15/80 1:00 am brian dear / udperuse They're the only taillights on the goddamn road!" "Yeah, yeah I see them now." He relseased Billy and said, "Hey, we still have a chance of catching up. But he'll surely race off if he sees us." He thought in silence for a moment and then exclaimed, "Hey, I've got it! I'll turn out my lights!" "But it's pitch dark, Dad!" Dad's face almost glowed red in the dark, "I THOUGHT I TOLD YOU TO SHUT THE HELL UP!" "Okay," Billy said, retreating to his corner of the car. Dad turned off the lights to the Belair and pressed the accelerator to the floor. The car heaved and went into overdrive, bringing the Chevy's taillights closer and clo- ser. "We're on him now!" Dad said. Just as he was coming to within a car length of Redman's Chevy, he flashed on his lights and zoomed past the vehicle. "Hahahaha, whee, oh hoh oh hoh! How'd you like that____ one Billy?" ---------------------------------------- Response 3 of 13 *** A Story by Dr. Graper *** 10/15/80 1:08 am brian dear / udperuse Billy took this as a signal to be enthusiastic and began bouncing up and down in his seat. "Really great Dad, you sure showed him!" Billy couldn't really tell if Dad had received his verbal pat on the back since Dad was still making all sorts of exited primate sounds from behind the wheel, so Billy said even louder and happier, "Really Great, Dad. You Sure Showed Him!!!" "You bet I did," Dad said, his foot still pressed to the floor, "look at that bastard back there," he commented, watching the headlights of the Chevy fade into the distance in the rear view mirror. "Dad, look out! LOOK OUT!" "For whatohjesusCHRIST!!!" Dad exclaimed, slamming on the brakes. BAWHAMM!! went the Belair as it hit the small child on the sled, WHOOSHPLATT!!! went the small child as he flew off the sled into a nearby telephne pole, CRUNCHGRIND went the sled under the Goodrich Radials, FSSSSH went the Belair as it skid across the layer of ice on the ---------------------------------------- Response 4 of 13 *** A Story by Dr. Graper *** 10/15/80 1:15 am brian dear / udperuse road, EIIYIIII!!!! went Billy from his side of the car, HONKHONK!!! went the Belair as Dad got a death grip on the steering wheel, BRUNCHTHUD went the car as it mashed into a snowbank. When the car had come to a rest, Dad released the wheel and asked, "Billy?" "Uh," the little boy grunted, "you OK Dad?" "Yeah. How about the Christmas tree? Is the tree Okay?" "Yeah, I think it's okay." "Whadya mean, you think_____ it's okay? Go back and check!" "Okay, Dad." Blly got out of the car and began tunneling into the snowbank. Just as he began getting a few feet into the bank, the Redman's Chevy sped by, honking its horn and flashing its lights. "Billy! Billy! get in, Redman just went by, Get in! Hurry up!" "Okay, Dad," Billy said, pulling himself out of the ---------------------------------------- Response 5 of 13 *** A Story by Dr. Graper *** 10/15/80 1:30 am brian dear / udperuse snow tunnel and scampering for the front door. "Will you hurryup???" Dad shouted. "I'm sorry, Dad," Billy quietly responded as he shut the door. "Let's go," Dad said, slowing driving the car out of the snowbank and getting it back on the road. "Sure are lucky it wasn't stuck worse," Billy said. "Shut-UP!!" Dad retorted, pushing the accelerator to the floor, "You kids can be so damn inconsiderate when someone's in a hurry!" "Sorry," Billy quietly murmured. They got home and Dad backed the station wagon into the driveway and pulled open the tailgate as quickly as possible. "Are your brothers ready?" "They've been ready ever since you left for it, dear," Mother said from the door. "Well get 'em out here, we've gotta get it in!" All four of Billy's younger brothers came toddling out in their one piece pajamas, the smallest being only three years old. ---------------------------------------- Response 6 of 13 *** A Story by Dr. Graper *** 10/15/80 1:34 am brian dear / udperuse "Come on, let's go you guys! Let's get it in and get started!" Dad shouted. "Yes Dad!" they all cried out in prepubescent squeals, each grabbing a part of the tree to carry in. The tiniest, only 3 years old, took the very tip whle Billy took the trunk end, the others taking hold from other spots along the way. "Let's GO, COME ON!!" Dad shouted again, slamming the tailgate shut. "Billy was so slow we've got to make up for lost time!!" All five of them began lugging the giant pine towards the front door, and mother stood within the doorway directing the children's movements. Suddenly little Timmy, the 3 year old, fell down. "Daddy, Timmy fell down!" Billy said. "I can see that, just keep going!" "But. . ." "I thought I told you!" So the four other children proceeded even faster, trampling over Timmy and mashing his little body into the snow. "C'mon, let's get it inside!" Dad kept shouting from ---------------------------------------- Response 7 of 13 *** A Story by Dr. Graper *** 10/15/80 1:43 am brian dear / udperuse behind, he himself absently trampling over Timmy. "Hurry up dear, we've got to set it up," Mother said from the doorway, "You're late as it is!" When Daddy finally made it in, she slammed the door shut behind him to lock out the snowstorm that was begninng outside. "It's Billy's fault, he was so damn slow!" he grumbled, "Well, let's get the tree up. Where's the stand?" "Right over there in the corner." "Well, let's get it in," he said, taking the tree from the children and setting it in the stand. "Well, how about the ornaments?" "I've got them over here. You put up the lights, the children can put the presents under the tree, and I'll hang the fragile ornaments," Mother said, pointing at the various decorations scattered about the room. "Well, let's GO!" Dad shouted, running for the lights. Everybody began hurriedly putting up the decora- tions, running to and fro madly. "Daddy, I've got to go to the bathroom," little ---------------------------------------- Response 8 of 13 *** A Story by Dr. Graper *** 10/15/80 1:58 am brian dear / udperuse Johnny, four years old, said. "You couldn't go before, could you? Well, hurry up!" Dad shouted, slinging the string of flashing electric lights around like a futuristic bullwhip. Johhny scampered away, pulling down his pants as he went, and the door of the bathroom slammed behind him. "He just couldn't be ready this one night, could he?" Dad grumbled, trying to wrap the string of lights around the tree with one big sling. "Well, what about the star on the top?" "Richard's supposed to get that from the attic," Mother said. "Well, has he?" "Not yet, Daddy," Richard said from beneath the tree. "Well, get up there pronto, young man!!" Daddy said, trying to boot the youngster out from under the tree. Richard quickly ran to the steps and climbed them as fast as he could, his Bugs Bunny slippers softly pattering against the wooden steps. ---------------------------------------- Response 9 of 13 *** A Story by Dr. Graper *** 10/15/80 2:12 am brian dear / udperuse "Isn't anybody prepared this year?" Dad complained. Then the phone rang, and Dad dropped his lights. "Oh no, not this soon." He quickly ran to the phone and picked up the receiver, listened silently for a moment, and then slammed it back into its cradle. "Dammit, he did it!!!" "What?" Mother asked. "That Redmann! He got his tree up and decorated two minutes ago!" "Oh no." "Oh yes!!" Dad said, stomping into the Christmas tree room, "Oh yes he did. And I can tell you why! It's because we have some slow little boys around here." "Oh no, he got it up first," Mother blankly said. "Hey, all you kids, get down here right away!!" Dad shouted. Johnny came out of the bathroom, Richard came downstairs with the star, Billy came out from under the tree and Bobby came out from behind the pile of ornament boxes. Timmy was still outside, just now getting up out of the snow. ---------------------------------------- Response 10 of 13 *** A Story by Dr. Graper *** 10/15/80 2:23 am brian dear / udperuse "Alright, we were a little slow this year, weren't we?" The little boys, standing in line, remained silent, heads pointed down in shame. "Well, slow little boys don't really deserve parents who try to give them a happy Christmas by getting them a nice tree, do they?" All their little heads, still pointing downwards, nodded back and forth. "Well, bad little boys like that who slow down their Daddy from bringing his tree home first of everybody in his neighborhood certainly don't deserve any visit from Santa, do they Mother?" "I should think not," Mother said, her arms folded as she stood nearby. "So all you bad little boys can just go upstairs and not come down all day tomorrow, since none of you seems to deserve a visit from Santa! No, I'll just tell him to go back to the North Pole, since there aren't any good boys here." ---------------------------------------- Response 11 of 13 *** A Story by Dr. Graper *** 10/15/80 2:29 am brian dear / udperuse The four of them stood there, silent. "Didn't you hear me?? GET UP THOSE STAIRS AND DON'T COME DOWN UNTIL CHRISTMAS IS OVER!!" The four of them took off, running towards and up the stairs as quickly as possible, their sounds disappearing in a matter of minutes. "You want to put up the tree anyways, dear?" Mother asked. "No, it's no good if it isn't first." "Now now, it was first last year and the year before that. You can't be first every year." "Yes I could, if only I didn't have such slow kids!" The two of them retreated into the kitchen, where a small Japanese television was playing on the countertop. "What'll I do with their presents?" Mother asked. "Take them all back and get the money back." "Alright," she said. Then, quietly, she murmured, "Darling, I'm pregnant again." "Oh, that's good." "I knew you'd be happy." ---------------------------------------- Response 12 of 13 *** A Story by Dr. Graper *** 10/15/80 2:36 am brian dear / udperuse "Maybe this one will be faster than the last bunch." "You can never tell." A tapping came from the front door. Outside, it was snowing very heavily, and the little figure of Timmy was kicking at the bottom panel of the heavy oak door, his little body freezing from only having his cheap one- piece pajamas on. "Mommy!" he cried, "Mommy!" pounding on the door with his little foot which had long since turned blue from exposure. "Timmy'll die out there in the cold," Mother said. "Uh huh," Father said, "he was slow." By now the wind was howling and the snow was blowing parallel to the ground, covering everything standing upright with a side layer of snow. "Mommy," the little figure cried out, "I'm cold, Mommy, let me in!!!" He too had a side layer of snow as he pounded furtively on the door with his frozen fists. "MOMMY!!!" he shouted as loudly as he could, which was no match for the howling of the winter wind. He kicked the door once again, slipped, and fell down where he began to cry and scream ---------------------------------------- Response 13 of 13 *** A Story by Dr. Graper *** 10/15/80 2:40 am brian dear / udperuse for his mother again and again. A few minutes later, the screams quieted and the tiny form, clothed only in cheap pink flannel, was covered up by the Christmas snow. The television they were watching in the kitchen suddenly came alive at midnight with bright colours, saying "Merry Christmas from Channel 17!!" "Merry Christmas," Mother said to Dad. "There's next Christmas, I'll be first then." "Of course you will," she said.