------------------------------- Note 18 summit meeting 10/13/80 11:20 pm brian dear / udnondev This next classic dates from 1975-76. ---------------------------------------- Response 1 of 6 *** A Story by Dr. Graper *** 10/13/80 11:30 pm brian dear / udnondev [ Airplane sounds ] Newsreprtr: This is truly a historic event, brought to you via satellite from Communist China. After the power struggle in the Communist Chinese heirarchy, it seems that a new premier has been chosen, the first since the founding of the People's Republic. The new Ambassador of the United States has just arrived by plane to recognize the new premier, Huey Dung. Ambassador: Hello Mr. Premier. Trnsltr: Hue thr yuon jfut Premier: jfu juf yrut ndu Trnsltr: He say hello to you as well. Newsrprtr: Well, the official diplomatic "hello" has been given and they are now ready to shake hands. Ambassador: I shake your hand in the name of the United States. Newsrpt: They're now shaking hands. [Buzzer sound] [Premier makes wild Chinese noises] ---------------------------------------- Response 2 of 6 *** A Story by Dr. Graper *** 10/13/80 11:38 pm brian dear / udnondev Newsrpt: Ha Ha Ha, well that's a good show of American good humor! The ambassador had a buzzer in his hand when he made the diplomatic handshake. I can see quite an impression has been made. Premier: [Reels off Chinese, which translator attempts to translate but cannot] Newsrpt: Well, after that formality, I can see the Ambassador is trying to speak again. Ambsdr: Sorry about that, old man. How about a little sniff of my carnation? [Squirting sound] [More wild Chinese] Newsrpt: Well, it seems the new premier got a friendly squirt in the face from the new ambassador. I can see that this____ trip to China certainly won't be boring! [Small voice sounds] Oh, I've just gotten word that the ambassador from Russia arrived a while ago and that the Chinese have decided to hold the meeting right inside the airport building. The American ambassador and the new premier have already ---------------------------------------- Response 3 of 6 *** A Story by Dr. Graper *** 10/13/80 11:47 pm brian dear / udnondev left, so I'll switch you to Ronald Bakersfield inside. [SWITCH] RB: Good evening for you in the US, it's morning here in Peking and I'm Ronald Bakersfield inside the Peking International Airport waiting for the US Ambassador and Premier of China to come inside and with the Russian representative here. I heard that some funny stuff already happened outside, and I just can't wait to see what's going to happen how. Ah, here come the two, the US Ambassador coming first, a true show of Chinese courtesy. But's what this [sound of water falling] Why that sly Premier Huey Dung! He had a bucket of water propped up over the half-open door! What a performer! ---------------------------------------- Response 4 of 6 *** A Story by Dr. Graper *** 10/14/80 1:07 am brian dear / udnondev [sounds of distress by wet American, laughter of Chinese and Russian] Well, now they're sitting down to the conference tables and... [loud fart sound] Ha Ha Ha well, it looks like the Chinese have scored once again by placing a whoopie cushion under under the Russian representative! The judges are quite impressed! This... here come the first-half scores now... Russia 3.8 / China 9.8 / United States 6.8... I... I don't see how the Russians got any score at all, viewers, it might be a mistake... no, it seems that in the last few moments of this half the Russian representative put an ice cube down the Premier Dung's pants, so that gives the Russians a little. But they're going to need a lot to chall- enge China's score. Now as we begin the second half, the Chinese lead as we get down to SALT talks. The representatives are ---------------------------------------- Response 5 of 6 *** A Story by Dr. Graper *** 10/14/80 1:16 am brian dear / udnondev all checking their seats, they're beginning to sit down, and.... nothing! There has been no__ action by any___ country yet... wait... yes, I see now that the United______ States______ has ___ scored______! Premier Dung is drinking Peking Goose wine unsuspectingly out of a dribble glass! [Chinese shouting again] This could be a turning point! And now the Russian representative has been given a can of salted nuts by the American ambassador... he's opening it and... [spring sounds, then Russian exclamation] It's full of red white and blue paper snakes! The Russian representative was caught completely unaware! Looking up at the clock, all the countrys' rep- resentatives have noticed there are only 12 seconds left to play. The Premier's fumbling... the Russian's still in shock... but the American is ---------------------------------------- Response 6 of 6 *** A Story by Dr. Graper *** 10/14/80 1:20 am brian dear / udnondev showing action! [sound of squeaky felt tip pen] He's writing something... he's written a sign that says "Kick Me" in all three languages and he's taped it onto the premier's back and [sound of kick] [sound of buzzer] He's done it! The final scores are coming out.. Russia 4.7 / China 7.2 / United States 9.8! The gold medal once more goes to the United States for the 3 Minute Peace Conference Practial Joke Event for the 13th consecutive time! What an honor for her bicentennial year!