------------------------------------ Note  14   a graper xmas 
 
        10/9/80   3:51 pm     brian dear / udnondev
NEW YORK THYMES, Wednesday Oct. 8, 1980:
 
        Recent archeological work in the attic of the famous
Dr. Graper's home have unleashed unto the public a whole
slew of never-before-read works by the great Doctor himself.
What lies herein is only one of several of the new stories.
 
        According to the Carbon-14 dating techniques,
scientists have concurred that the writings date from
1977 or earlier.
 
---------------------------------------- Response 1 of 6
               *** A Story by Dr. Graper ***
 
        10/9/80   3:52 pm     brian dear / udnondev
        How I converted my Wang into a toaster and
                a television ping-pong game
 
 
        Christmas morning, the kids get up, run down the 
stairs and jump under the tree, grabbing and ripping open
their presents.
 
        Ten minutes later, both of them are bawling.
 
        "Howcum we didn't get a T.V. Ping-Pong game from
Santa like everybody else did, Daddy?"
        I look over to my wife, and see her angriliy sorting
through her presents.  She would take a present, rip it open
with happiness then suddenly frown, saying, "THIS____ isn't my
toaster, goddamn it!" and then throw the un-toaster into 
the Christmas fire.  She quickly got through all the boxes
and threw each into the flames, looking more and more dis-
gusted.  The children too threw their disappointing presents
into the Yuletide inferno.
 
---------------------------------------- Response 2 of 6
               *** A Story by Dr. Graper ***
 
        10/9/80   3:53 pm     brian dear / udnondev
        Then the three of them stare at me in the face.  I
can see that something is really wrong.
        "What about all the hints, Daddy?" the kids ask 
tearfully.
        "Yeah, Daddy," my wife says in a sarcastic tone,
"didn't you pick up any of the hints?"
        "Hints?  I don't remember any."
        "But Daddy," little Bobby said, "I 'member carving
'BUY ME A T.V. PING PONG SET' in the living room couch with
a steak knife!!  And that was way back in November!!"
        "Yeah, Daddy," murmured my wife, "Can't you 
remember when we. . ."" she wiggled her eyebrow peculiarly,
". . . you know.  On the basement pool table. After the 
bridge party."
        "Oh that!  Of course.  But I don't see how that was
a hint."
        "Can't you remember?  I kept groaning, 'BUY ME A
TOASTER' all the time."
 
---------------------------------------- Response 3 of 6
               *** A Story by Dr. Graper ***
 
        10/9/80   3:54 pm     brian dear / udnondev
 
        "Oh.  I merely thought them to be cries of ecstasy."
        At this she quickly shifted herself back, "Cries
of. . .," she silenced, realising that the children might 
catch on.
 
        I smugly sat back in my chair. "Well, at least I
got what I_ wanted for Christmas."  I was referring, of
course, to my new WANG 4000 microprocessor.
        "Well," my wife said, turning to go, "I hope you
and your computer have a lot of fun."  She disapeared into
the kitchen, but her voice could still be heard, "I guess
I'll just have to have un-toasted bread this morning."
        The kids slowly left the room. Little Bobby turned
before leaving the doorway and murmured to me, "This. . .
is the worst Christmas of my life." 
        But I didn't notice.  I was busy plugging in my
WANG and storing some stuff in its extensive memory banks.
 
---------------------------------------- Response 4 of 6
               *** A Story by Dr. Graper ***
 
        10/9/80   3:55 pm     brian dear / udnondev
        The children in the other room began speaking 
in overly loud voices so that I would be able to hear. 
"Well Bobby," my daughter loudly said, "I guesses we're
not gonna have any electronic ping-pong game to play
with like all the other kids.  I guess we'll just have to
pretend."  "Yup," said my son Bobby, "let's pretend to
play T.V. Ping Pong."
        Then the two little cretins began imitating that
high-pitched bleep that those blasted TV Ping-Pong games
always make.
        "BLIIPP," went Kathy.
        "BLEEP," went Bobby.
        "BLIPBLIPP" Kathy shrieked out.
        "BLEEEP!!" Bobby screamed.
        And on and on it went until Christmas Dinner, 
later that evening. Kathy sat to my left and Bobby sat to
my right as we waited for dinner to be served.
        "bhlip. . ." sighed Kathy in a strained voice.
        "bhleep. . ." wheezed Bobby.
 
---------------------------------------- Response 5 of 6
               *** A Story by Dr. Graper ***
 
        10/9/80   3:56 pm     brian dear / udnondev
        After five straight hours of high-pitched noise
making, the two kids were pretty tuckered out.  Inwardly 
I smiled, realising that I had out-waited them and defeated 
their little ploy.
        Then, from out of the kitchen, mother came holding
a steaming covered platter.  "Merry Christmas," she said,
setting the platter down on the table.
        "Mmmm boy," I grunted, "I'll take white meat."
        "Fine by me," she said, pulling the top off the
platter.
        Sitting on the platter was a loaf of bread.
        "What the &%$*# is this?" I shouted.
        "Bread," my wife replied.
        "But. . .but. . ."
        "I would have toasted it but I DIDN'T GET A
TOASTER FOR. . ."
        "ALRIGHT!!" I screamed, standing up and throwing
my napkin onto the table, "Alright! I get the message!!"
        I stormed out of the dining room, grabbed my
WANG and headed for the basement.
 
---------------------------------------- Response 6 of 6
               *** A Story by Dr. Graper ***
 
        10/9/80   3:56 pm     brian dear / udnondev
        Four hours later I came back upstairs, a toaster
under one arm and a television ping-pong set under the 
other.
        "Oh Daddy, you're wonderful!" my kids shouted.
        "Oh, thank you!" my wife said, smiling.