----------------------------------- Note 6 B7700 blues *** A Story by Dr. Gra"per *** 12/2/78 9:28 pm tripp / udplato / unidel Grr, I thought. Four twenty page papers due next week, 1 o'clock in the morning and I end up sitting here waiting for a DECwriter to be free. This fellow who I'm waiting for is a real winner. And he just won't free up the terminal so that I can get my already late computer science thing done. He turns, stands up and shouts to the other side of the room, "Hey, Ron, how do you get the photon torpedoes to work in Star Trek??" The very impudence of his diddling while I needed to work coupled with the incredible smell of the Aqua Velva he used to grease his hair with drove me into an instant, adrenalin surging rage. "STAR TREK?? You're playing Star Trek while I need to really program!?!" He looks at me, head tilted down. This is going to be easy. "I just happen to need 57% of core for economic/ personnel correlations that seems just a bit more important ---------------------------------------- Response 1 of 9 *** A Story by Dr. Gra"per *** 12/2/78 9:41 pm tripp / udplato / unidel than you silly STAR TREK games, you...you..." I hold my breath and tense all the muscles in my neck so that my face turns purplish red and all my features look like Beethoven's did when he was constipated. He quickly terminated and let me get on with my program. "Let's see. . . . Hmmm. . ." All too soon the security person showed up, his annoying walkie talkie turned on purposefully too loud. "alright, evrybudy outs!" I terminate, like everyone else, and look at the night's work. ERROR: STATEMENT ILLOGICAL;DISCARD ERROR: PROGRAM FOUND TOO GARBLED; UNEXPECTED END OF FILE FILE REMOVED etc, etc,etc. Oh boy. On the way out of the computer center, I stop ---------------------------------------- Response 2 of 9 *** A Story by Dr. Gra"per *** 12/2/78 9:47 pm tripp / udplato / unidel at the CANDY AND PASTRIES machine. There, sitting where all was dark, leading the forgotten, the mislead, the dispairing on in the night for terribly overpriced high-sugar products. I wanted, no, needed______ a Twinkie. There, in my pocket, I felt a quarter. Slowly I walked towards the glowing machine, filled slightly with the thought that this might be the day's turning point, away from the gloom of hollow eyed students and professors into the spongy yellow goodness of a Twinkie. TWO twinkies, really. They did come in packs of two. Just as I was thinking, "Two Twinkies, really. They do come in packs of two," the evil security officer came up the stairs. "Ay! I thot I tol' you ta get out!" "I was just going for something in the machine." ---------------------------------------- Response 3 of 9 *** A Story by Dr. Gra"per *** 12/2/78 9:49 pm tripp / udplato / unidel "I sayd, GET OUTS!" [Note: University of Delaware Security Officers have accents remarkably similar to the inner-city/urban Negro] "All I wanted was. . ." "Ah sayd. . ." he made a threatening step towards me. He was very large. But I was very smart. Unfortunately, smartness never helps with cases like this, no matter how many times it seems to help on "Gilligan's Island" or "The Brady Bunch." I said, "Ok, ok, I'm going. . ." He locked the door very hard behind me, sort of like saying, "And stay out!" with the deadbolt. It was cold outside, and the walk home was not and especially pleasant thing. But then I remembered! I was now 20 years old! I could go to the bar of my choice and get pleasantly drunk before walking the 3 or 4 miles home. My pace quickened. Boy, to walk home in that delightfully numbed state, and to do it legally! ---------------------------------------- Response 4 of 9 *** A Story by Dr. Gra"per *** 12/2/78 9:50 pm tripp / udplato / unidel Part Two: The Bar Well, there I was. First time ever in a bar legally. Why, over there was my. . .my Communications professor! And there! A fellow student! This would be nice. If only I knew how to work a bar, I'd get something. (I'd saved a quarter by not buying that Twinkie, and I was sure I'd have many more quarters in my coat pockets). Now how was it that they ordered drinks on television? The only one I knew of was the cowboy method. Dr: Barkeep! Barkeep! BK: You mean me? Dr: Yeah. (Swagger slightly as seat is mounted) BK: What would you like. Dr: (Smiles triumphantly. He has successfully worked a bar on his first try.) I'd like a GENESSEE Cream. BK: Coming up. ---------------------------------------- Response 5 of 9 *** A Story by Dr. Gra"per *** 12/2/78 9:52 pm tripp / udplato / unidel Well, I was certainly pleased with myself this time. I quickly was able to sit, elbow on the bar, sipping at my GENESSEE Cream Ale. Soon both the Genesee Cream Ale and my interest in bars was gone. I didn't like drinking in loud, dingy places with people who I am certain are certified assholes. I mean, even that professor there is a dipshit. I paid the bartender and left. After buying a small bottle for the road, off again. Quite a dissappointment. I had thought bars were supposed to be neat places, but none of my friends were there. And those dolts probably will never realize who it was that fateful Nov. 28 who sat on his stool sipping a Genny Cream Ale and left in disgust of them. Every day, walking the same route home. Bad bad bad. Same dog comes out barking at me, same tree I tinkle on in the forest, same gray and red house with four twenty page papers waiting expectantly in the typing pad in their blank white silence. But enough of that. Soon Security will ---------------------------------------- Response 6 of 9 *** A Story by Dr. Gra"per *** 12/2/78 9:53 pm tripp / udplato / unidel here to throw me out again! Can you believe that? It's the same guy, too. He has this big reddish sort of wart on his nose, and the most grotesque part about the wart is that their is a single, 1/3" long black hair sticking out of it. He looks at you and its as if he uses his nose to tune in on you and the hair for "fine tuning." Well, tonight is going to be different. You bet. Tonight I'm gonna go for that Twinkie and get it, even if he's pounding me over the head as I pull the lever . But forget all that stuff. How've you been? Good? Hey, let's hope so. You know what I got for my birthday? An electric clock. It cost $19.95 and it's made of that kind of plastic they use for telephones and it's made too look like a grandfather clock. A little one, though. Just about as big as your forearm. I remember when my mom gave it to me. She has this really weird thing about giving you a present, then after asking whether you like it (which you always must say ---------------------------------------- Response 7 of 9 *** A Story by Dr. Gra"per *** 12/2/78 9:54 pm tripp / udplato / unidel "yes" to) and then she gets out the SEARS or PENNEY'S catalog wherefrome she ordered it and starts reading the catalog description of it. "Beautiful Imitation Wood Grain Plastic miniature Grandfather's Clock. Features Roman Numeral face, Calendar Hand, and Chime that strikes once an hour." "Sounds really neat, mom," I said, pulling the thing out of the box marked TAIWAN TO USA. ". . .comes with money back guarantee." "It's very nice." "Well, Happy Birthday! Your cake is up on the table," and she dissappears into the house. Pretty nice of her to get up at 2 in the morning to give me a birthday present, don't you think? I plug the clock in and it chimes. Actually, it doesn't chime. I learned that right away. It goes BURNK. Being of an inquisitive mind, I immediately took the back off of it and looked for the chime. There wasn't any. Only a hammer that strikes the side of the clock once ---------------------------------------- Response 8 of 9 *** A Story by Dr. Gra"per *** 12/2/78 9:54 pm tripp / udplato / unidel every half hour. It really sounds more interesting than a chime. It sounds more like someone knocking on a plastic door. Sorry I haven't written in a while. I'd write more, but NO ONE around here seems to understand algol or SPSS7 and these B7700 programs are giving me the blues. Your Friend, Dr. Graper ---------------------------------------- Response 9 of 9 *** A Story by Dr. Gra"per *** 12/2/78 9:55 pm tripp / udplato / unidel One last thing. The security man is loitering outside and I still had time to look over the note. Please excuse the terrible grammar and the screw-ups in syntax but, you know. It's late. Whoops. Gotta go.