---------------------------- Note 4 try again *** A Story by Dr. Gra"per *** 10/18/78 11:07 pm tripp / udplato / unidel Dear Friends: Boy, things are happening strange. Like wow, man, I don't know what____ is going on around here anyway. Let's try it all again. "There's no use. Can't you see it's all over?" The pretty female in the blue jeans wiped her eyes and looked away from him. "But. . . .but. . . but. . ." he said, trying to recover the love that was now lost. It was no good. Both of them sat on the same wooden bench where they had met those many years ago when both were visiting the zoo to protest the mating of the panda bears. "It's no use. . ." she said, shuffling her EARTH shoe in the dirt. "How's about some cotton candy?" "No," she said insistently, suddenly standing up and keeping her back to him, "I'd better go. Carl is waiting." ---------------------------------------- Response 1 of 11 *** A Story by Dr. Gra"per *** 10/18/78 11:08 pm tripp / udplato / unidel "Carl? Carl? What is he that I'm not?" he said, standing up behind her putting his hand on her shoulder. She coldly brushed it away. "He's much more. . . .more MORE." He ran around in front of her. "More what? More what??" She looked down at the ground. "Goodbye," she said, walking slowly away. There was no use stopping her. "Carol, wait!!" She kept walking. "Carol, please listen!" She refused to listen. "Goddamn it, will you STOP!!??!!" he shouted, picking up an empty coke bottle and hurling it at her head. It didn't break on her head, it only went "BINK" and riccochetted off. She stumbled for a moment, then got up and started walking towards the exit again. "I SAID STOP, DAMMIT!!" This time he took a rounded rock and hurled it at her with all the might of his ---------------------------------------- Response 2 of 11 *** A Story by Dr. Gra"per *** 10/18/78 11:09 pm tripp / udplato / unidel undying love. It hit the base of her head and made a sickening "THUTCH." She stopped. He began running towards her, but then realized that she was___ right; their love was truly gone. He returned to that zoo bench which they had always called THEIR zoo bench and sat down. It was the bench right in front of the orangatang cage. The orangatang's name was Carlo. He sat in the left back corner of the cage, staring at his feet. His cage was a white plexiglas cubicle with one wall made of solid glass so that people could look in. On the floor of his cubicle were a few pieces of straw and several turds. "What is love, Carlo?" the young man asked the brooding orangatang. Carlo did not answer. He knew what love was, but the hell if he was going to tell anybody else. The young man sat on the bench, head in hands. He had lost his love. ---------------------------------------- Response 3 of 11 *** A Story by Dr. Gra"per *** 10/18/78 11:10 pm tripp / udplato / unidel The hours passed and eventually the zookeeper, a grunchy old drunk named Jed Hofsteder came by to clean the turds out of Carlo's cage. "Hey! I thought everybuddy wuz gone by now!" Jed said to the young man on the bench. "Hell, you'd better go!" "Could I just stay a few more minutes?" Somehow, he could not leave the bench that was THEIR bench now that their love was gone. "I've. . . .I've always wanted to see how the zookeeper. . .cleans up after the orangatang." "So ya wanna see me clean to orangatang, huh?" Jed replied. "Not too many peoples 'preciate how ya gotta clean up after the orangatang. . .he he." The young man mounted a weak smile. He would be able to enjoy a few last moments with THEIR bench. Jed took a swig of some ugly brown liquor and began his lecture on orangatang cleaning. "First, ya opens the front window like dis. . ." He opened up the front window of the orangatang cleaning. Carlo the orang- atang didn't even seem to notice. ---------------------------------------- Response 4 of 11 *** A Story by Dr. Gra"per *** 10/18/78 11:10 pm tripp / udplato / unidel "Then, after you've got the window open, you get the shovel and shovel out the orangatang crap. . ." and sure enough, Jed shoveled out the orangatang crap. "Then, you throw him some straw to eat. . . .Orangs love straw to eat, don't you know. . . .then you gets the water hose and hose the bastard down!" Jed got out the water hose and began spraying the orangatang with freezing cold water. Carlo didn't even seem to notice that____. "Har har, dumb bastard!" Jed began spraying Carlo directly in the face with water, making all of Carlo's pretty orange orangatang hair all clingy and yucky looking. "You wanna spray the Orang, son?" The young man, lost in the thoughts of his lost love, began to cry. Jed turned off the hose and closed the orangatang's cage. "What's wrong, boy?" "I've. . .I've lost my love." "Hey, kid, that's too bad. . . .what wuz her name?" "Carol. Carol Ballbearing." "Hey, pretty name kid! Hey, how's about coming with ---------------------------------------- Response 5 of 11 *** A Story by Dr. Gra"per *** 10/18/78 11:11 pm tripp / udplato / unidel me and you kin tell me all about her whilst I cleans up the other animals?" The young man nodded his assent and the two figures began making the rounds of the zoo. "Hey, my name's Jed Hofsteder. What's yurs?" "Ah, Arnie Sachneusen." "Glad to meet you, Arnie. My name's Jed Hofsteder." "You already said that." "You wanna drink?" Jed pulled another flask from his shirt with some ugly green liquor in it. "No thanks." "Ok, all the more fur me then, har har. . ." and he took a monstrous swig of the stuff. The two walked in silence until they reached the polar bear pit. All the polar bears were grotesquely fat and laid in a big heap in the center of a concrete island in the center of the pit. Jed leaned over the rail and shouted at them, "Hey, you dumb bastards! Time to eat!" He then unlocked a trunk beside the railing and ---------------------------------------- Response 6 of 11 *** A Story by Dr. Gra"per *** 10/18/78 11:12 pm tripp / udplato / unidel pulled out a burlap sack of marshmallows. "You're going to feed them that?" Arnie asked. "Sure. Marshmallows is all polar bears eats!" Down in the polar bear pit, surrounding the island of concrete in the center was a five to seven foot wide moat of incredibly murky, gunky water. "Is that the water the polar bears drink?" "Sure," Jed said. "Speaking of drinkin', you want a swig?" He pulled a flask of awful looking opaque liquor from his pants pocket. "No." Jed took a swig. "OK, let's go." "But you haven't fed the polar bears yet!" "Oh yeah, almost forgot!" Jed said, and dumped the sack of marshmallows into the moat. "Yuck!" Arnie said. "It may looks ugly to me and you, but Polar bears jest loves it. Marshmallows keeps their fur coats so white." Arnie nodded a little and the two were on their ---------------------------------------- Response 7 of 11 *** A Story by Dr. Gra"per *** 10/18/78 11:12 pm tripp / udplato / unidel way again. "What wuz she like," Jed asked. "You mean. . .Carol Ballbearing?" "Yeah, her." "She was sweet as honey. She loved natural foods. She gave me a cat named Heather Meadowlark on my birthday," Arnie said, getting that faraway look in his eye. "Yeah?" "Yes. We used to go to John Denver concerts together. We were planning a trip together to the Rockies when. . . .when we broke up." "Tough shit." "Yes, don't I know." They had arrived at the Giraffe House, and Jed was unlocking the Giraffe food shed. "Hey, did she ever. . .you know?" Jed asked quietly. "What?" "You know. Did she ever. . ." and Jed whispered the dirty phrase into Arnie's ear, as if afraid that the Giraffes might find out. ---------------------------------------- Response 8 of 11 *** A Story by Dr. Gra"per *** 10/18/78 11:13 pm tripp / udplato / unidel "YOU LOATHESOME OLD DRUNK!!" Arnie said, batting Jed away. "Hey, kid, I only meant did she. . ." "I know what you meant, you stinking old sot!!" Arnie said. He spied a hammer used to shoe the giraffes with and grabbed it. Naturally, he hit Jed on the head with it. Twice. Such is the feeling of a young man whose love is gone. The giraffes in the house were screaming for their dinner. Arnie (an animal lover ever since John Denver became honorary chairman of the SAVE THE WHALE committee) looked into the giraffe shed. "Blech! He was going to feed them a sack of Hershey kisses!" He looked at the groaning giraffes. "Hmm," he said. Then it came to him. He dragged Jed's body into the house and shoved it into the food bin. The giraffes immediately began digging in. ---------------------------------------- Response 9 of 11 *** A Story by Dr. Gra"per *** 10/18/78 11:14 pm tripp / udplato / unidel "Poor animals. Probably haven't had a good meal in weeks!" Slowly, Arnie walked out of the zoo. He threw his coat over his shoulder and walked over to the light of a street lamp to read his watch. Eleven ten. Time to go home. He thought that maybe he could put on a Crosby Stills and Nash album and raise his spirits by chowing down on some granola. Still looking at his watch, he began walking and then bumped into a dark figure. "Excuse me," Arnie said. "Oh no, excuse me!" a beautiful female said. She was wearing an indian coat with lots of fringe hanging down from the sleeves. Her peasant shirt pleasantly blossomed out from beneath the coat, and her hair was smelling of herbal essence natural pH balanced shampoo. "Why," Arnie said, "Isn't that a "STOP NUCLEAR POWER" button from the Dodge City demonstration of 1974?" "Why, yes! Were you there?" she asked coyly. "Why sure," he said. "Hey, my name's Arnie! What's ---------------------------------------- Response 10 of 11 *** A Story by Dr. Gra"per *** 10/18/78 11:15 pm tripp / udplato / unidel yours?" "Heather Greensparrow!" "Why, what a pretty name! Hey, how about some raisins?" "That sounds natural!!" "Well, how about stopping over at my place then?" "OK!" And the two dissappeared into the distance, both having found new love. ---------------------------------------- Response 11 of 11 *** A Story by Dr. Gra"per *** 10/18/78 11:15 pm tripp / udplato / unidel THE END