---------------------------------------- Note  27   Wit 
               *** A Story by Dr. Graper ***
 
         2/10/78   3:06 pm     lynch / unidel
Dear Friends:
 
        Classes started yesterday, and already, in each
class, I've made a bad impression.  
        If YOU were there, I bet you'd settle back in your
lecture hall chair and say:
 
        "My god, that man is a wit!"
 
        But not THESE bastards. No sir.  Witticisms bounce
off their granite heads like rubber bricks.  Even the 
professors dislike me.  No, I'm not one of their intimate
clique of students, with their IN jokes and cute manners.
 
        There's this one professor, named Dr. John
Hammerballs.  I've got him for Nonverbal Communication

Analysis.  Truly, there is no less funny a man on campus.
He says something in class, a typical joke set up, you 
know?  So I stand up, scream out an outrageous pun, and
 
 
---------------------------------------- Response 1 of 3
               *** A Story by Dr. Graper ***
 
         2/10/78   3:06 pm     lynch / unidel
sit down in my seat.  
        Now if I may say so myself, when it comes to
outrageous nonverbal communication puns, I am a master.
I mean, the janitors out in the hall, with only their third
grade educations, were rolling on the floor when they 
heard it.
        Well, Dr. Hammerballs stares back at me like I'd
just raped his mother.  "What is your name?" he asked.
        "Dr. Graper."
        "A 'Dr?' Hmmm"  he looked over the role.  "There
is no Dr. Graper on the role.  Just a student, a certain
'D. Graper'."
        "They NEVER seem to remember to put my title down."
        "I see.  What are you a doctorate of?"
        "Humor."
        "I was quite frankly unaware that they gave 
doctorates in humor."
        "Everyone seems to think so."
        "I see."  Now, he was clenching his fists on the
edge of the podium so that his knuckles turned white.
 
---------------------------------------- Response 2 of 3
               *** A Story by Dr. Graper ***
 
         2/10/78   3:08 pm     lynch / unidel
        "I have a rule in my classroom, Mr. Graper."
        "'Dr.' Graper, if you please."
        "MR Graper," he reiterated.  "When you come to
my class, and when I am teaching my class, all people are
to be silent!!"
        To this I stood facing him silently
        He went on, ". . .I should think we should have
abandoned childish little games like the ones you seem
to like to play long ago."
        Again I remained silent.
        He seemed to be enjoying the humiliation he was
heaping upon me in front of my peers, " . .and so, MR
Graper, I think that the rules of the class are clear.
Are they not?"
        "Quite clear, sir."
        "Very well."
        With this he finally sat down in his chair
in front of the blackboard where he customarily sat.
        "PHHAARRRRRTTTT!" went the whoopie cushion on 
his seat.  It was a special one that I had rigged up
 
---------------------------------------- Response 3 of 3
               *** A Story by Dr. Graper ***
 
         2/10/78   3:09 pm     lynch / unidel

with a CO2 cannister so that it was extremely loud and
wouldn't shut off.
        "What??  What??" he shouted, leaning against the
sliding blackboards.  
        "WHOOSH BANGG!! went the upper blackboard as it
slid down ten feet onto his fingers.
        YOWCH!! he shouted aloud, a scream that was quickly
muted by the bucket of water that had been positioned atop
the upperblackboard and which now was dumped all over his
head.
        SWING went the trapdoor under him, sending him down
to the basement a few floors down, AAHHHH he said while
floating down , PHHAaarrttt. . . .went the cushion, stuck
to Dr. Hammerballs backside.
        And after all this, nobody in the class even 
giggled.  They just kept taking notes.  
        Oh well.  First impressions are worst impressions.