---------------------------------------- Note  24   Whoopee! 
               *** A Story by Dr. Graper ***
 
         1/13/78   9:06 pm     lynch / unidel
{ Written on September 15, 1977. }
     The "Vasco de Gama" lounge of the beautiful Houston
Astor-Hilton hotel was ablaze with light and merriment
as guest after guest arrived.  Everybody who was anybody
was there, all waiting to see the guest of honor who was
to fly down to Houston that night.
     The event?  Dr. Graper had just received an honorary
sign on to PLATO, and was throwing this little bash in
honor of it.
     Among the first to arrive was John Lennon and Henry
Kissinger, both being driven up in Henry's custom built
Rolls Royce.  Soon after these two other social notables
began crowding the doorway, all in hopes of getting a
seat close to the stage where Dr. Graper would perform
a piece especially composed for the occassion.
     As usual, several hundred news reporters attempted
to gain entrace but were turned away by the burly
guards at the gate.  But they were not overly disappointed
since Dr. Graper had phoned ahead and promised them a
press conference after the evening's festivities.
 
---------------------------------------- Response 1 of 8
               *** A Story by Dr. Graper ***
 
         1/13/78   9:07 pm     lynch / unidel
     Then he arrived, the grand old doctor himself.
Stepping out of his private helicopter to the cheers of
his guests on the landing pad and the half million
spectators gathered below, he grabbed a microphone and
briefly greeted everyone.
     Then it was down the stairs to his dressing room and
back again ten minutes later for cocktails with his
comrades.
     The evening progressed smoothly, Dr. Graper performed
flawlessly with Elton John accompanying him on the piano
(promised to be released as "Dr. Graper: Live in Houston",
by Epic records sometime in October), and  then his
bestowing of the Grand Air Medal of France to an obscure
little man with a beard in the audience for his services.
The highlights of the press conference follow:
 
---------------------------------------- Response 2 of 8
               *** A Story by Dr. Graper ***
 
         1/13/78   9:09 pm     lynch / unidel
Dr:  Alright, we'll start with you in the back from the
    Washington Post.
WP:  Dr Graper, could you verify or deny the rumor that
     you are considering marrying Farrah Fawcett Majors?
Dr:  I can only say that any rumors to that end are all
     totally untrue.  Farrah and I are just good friends,
     and even though we spend a few weekends together
     now and then doesn't mean anything serious.   You
     in back there from the New York Times?
NYT: Dr Graper, is there any truth in your finding a cure
     for cancer?
Dr:  Partially.  Actually, the men at the Graper Institute
     for disease research have been working on it and have
     had some limited success, but have not actually found
     a cure.  I plan to stop by next Thursday and help them
     out, so I think you can be sure to have it by Thursday
     night or Friday at the latest.
NE:  Dr. Graper!  Could you tell me. . .
Dr:  Guards!  Take this fellow from the National Enquirer
     away.  He didn't wait his turn.  No, wait until?
 
---------------------------------------- Response 3 of 8
               *** A Story by Dr. Graper ***
 
         1/13/78   9:10 pm     lynch / unidel
Dr:  Wait until you get outside to do that.  Yes, you
     from the National Geographic?
NG:  What is your opinion upon continental mass shifting?
Dr:  I'm all for it (Thundering applause)  Oh please,
     stop.  Stop it.  Oh come on, I'm not really that
     great.  Come on, stop the applause.  Stop it.
     I mean it, stop it!
     (Applause continues for two and a half hours)
     Now, where was I?  Oh yes, you from The Sidney Times?
ST:  Dr. Graper, is it true that you plan to purchase
     Australia?
Dr:  No.  Now, I really must go.
     (Thunderous sounds of people going "Awww.")
     It's been very pleasant being here, and I'd like to
     thank you all, but I've got letters to answer and
     other things.  See you all very soon.
(The Doctor runs off the stage and the crowd  goes wild)
 
---------------------------------------- Response 4 of 8
               *** A Story by Dr. Graper ***
 
         1/13/78   9:11 pm     lynch / unidel
     The scene outside the Hilton for this gala event
was truly breathtaking.  With Dr. Graper in his helicopter
and far away, the people began the slow process of going
home.  Some had traveled for thousands of miles to be
present for the event, and charter buses pulled out from
the hotel in mile long chains.  Hawkers outside were
selling Dr. Graper  T-shirts for outrageous prices,
and pieces of his celebration cake were being sold for
$200  an ounce.
     Overall it was a night to remember, a night that
could only be equalled in excitement by an invasion
from Mars or something along those grandiose lines.
Truly, it would be a night forever held in the minds of
men.
 
---------------------------------------- Response 5 of 8
               *** A Story by Dr. Graper ***
 
         1/13/78   9:12 pm     lynch / unidel
     I would only like to say that I wish I could have
been in attendence of Dr. Graper's  sign on party  but
I was too drunk to go.
 
     Billy Carter
 
---------------------------------------- Response 6 of 8
               *** A Story by Dr. Graper ***
 
         1/13/78   9:12 pm     lynch / unidel
 
Congrats, Doc!  Best Wishes for you and Plato!
 
      Jesus Christ
 
---------------------------------------- Response 7 of 8
               *** A Story by Dr. Graper ***
 
         1/13/78   9:13 pm     lynch / unidel
    In honor of your getting a sign on Doctor,
I have okayed the demolition of fifteen large
drive thru franchises.  You pick any fifteen, and
they're gone, buddy!!
 
    Ronald McDonald
 
---------------------------------------- Response 8 of 8
 
         1/15/78   12:20 pm     brazee / ames
Is Kissinger a Leninist?  Good thing Groucho wasn't also
in that shared ride!