---------------------------------------- Note 23 Shift-Erase *** A Story by Dr. Graper *** 1/11/78 4:10 pm lynch / unidel { This Graper classic is from October 6, 1977. } Would you believe it? Some absolute turd came in, plopped himself down beside me and said, "Get off the terminal." Would you believe it? He asked, "Who are you?" and I of course answered, "Dr. Graper, Dept. of Humor, University of Delaware," and then he said, "Never heard of you. Get off," and lauded his own title as Grand Chancellor of Computer Diddlysquat and that he could make big trouble for me, oh boy, if I didn't get off. Seeing how I'm in trouble with almost every department of the stupid universty (especially with the department of my major) I decided to give in. I came back later and saw him using the terminal to draw a picture of a tree. Would you believe it? This idiot threw me off to draw a tree!! Boy, my blood boils at the thought. ---------------------------------------- Response 1 of 5 *** A Story by Dr. Graper *** 1/11/78 4:12 pm lynch / unidel Bill Lynch came into the room as Dr. Graper was busily punching away at the keyboard of GUIDO. He glanced at the screen and saw something about someone throwing Dr. Graper off the terminal and the Dr's usual blast of incoherence. "How are you today, Dr?" he asked. "Oh, shut-up," the Dr. grumpily replied, not moving his eyes from the screen. "No need to be so grumpy." "Goddmnfrkn," the Dr replied Bill looked at the screen and saw that the Dr. was having trouble. "No, Dr., to use the superimposition function you use. . ." "Shutup Lynch!!" By the smell of his coat, Bill could tell the Dr. had been drinking again. He stood back and watched the Dr. furtively attempt to print out his message. ---------------------------------------- Response 2 of 5 *** A Story by Dr. Graper *** 1/11/78 4:15 pm lynch / unidel "Dr?" "Shut - up!" That won't work. To properly use the typewriter keyboard, one must press the buttons with one's fingertips, not with the bottom of one's fists." The Dr. remained silent this time, choosing to ignore the criticism and keep pounding on the keyboard. "Nobody will understand you if you keep typing like that" "Shut. . ." the Dr. was unable to continue his state- ment, having slid out of his chair onto the floor. Out of his pocket fell a hip flask of Jack Daniel's Whiskey. Lynch picked up the bottle and threw it in the trashcan, then returned to his programming. Five minutes later, the Dr. crawled out from under the terminal and got himself back in his seat. Immediately, he noticed the absence of his bottle. "Wheres my botttle?" "I threw it away." "You awful . . ." ---------------------------------------- Response 3 of 5 *** A Story by Dr. Graper *** 1/11/78 4:18 pm lynch / unidel The Dr., for some strange reason, forgot the rest of the sentence and got back to his GUIDO note. "How do you . . .uh. . .spell 'orgasm'?" "O-R-G-A-S-M" "Thankyou," the dr. slurred, choosing now to type not with the bottoms of his fists, but rather by pounding his face against the keyboard. This continued for at least another five minutes until the Dr. had another question to ask. "How does ya make da GUIDO nose. . .ah, I means GUIDO note, ah, how does ya send it?" Lynch stood up and observed the Dr. slumped over the keyboard. He stood gazing down, arms crossed looking at what was once a good student and citizen, destroyed by alcohol and psychedelic drugs. "You press 'SHIFT-NEXT'." "Ya presses 'SHIFT-ERASE', huh?" At this, the Doctor pressed shift-erase. "NO, NOT SHIFT-ERASE!!!" Lynch screamed, but it was too late. ---------------------------------------- Response 4 of 5 *** A Story by Dr. Graper *** 1/11/78 4:20 pm lynch / unidel Suddenly, everything in the room started tippling and finally flying into the wall. Both Lynch and Dr. Graper were slammed into a coat rack against the furthest wall and were pummeled with smashing music boxes and multiplexes. There was a high pitched whine in the air and the sounds of people screaming as they were smashed by flying automobiles, mailboxes and fences. "What'd I do?" the Dr. questioned. "You fool, you pressed SHIFT-ERASE!!" Lynch shouted from beneath a bookshelf. "What'd that do?" "It stops the rotation of the Earth!!!!! " "Oh wow," the Dr. said "Now there'll be no day or night. The ecology of the planet has been destroyed. " "Really bad, man. ---------------------------------------- Response 5 of 5 1/12/78 1:24 am waitz / udnondev Wow I think I remeber that day.... the wind was blowing and the rain was falling side- ways .A friend of mine told his roomate that the radio said the earths core had shifted a the gravity was off to one side making the rain fal slanted.. the civil engineer went for it hook line and sinker. He was so embarassed that we wernt even allowed to mention it to him... now I can tell him the truth.... Bob