---------------------------------------- Note 16 request time 1/5/78 5:00 pm fritz / amesrad Please Oh Please, could you (dear mr. Lynch) transcribe one of the Dr's classical works? The one I have in mind is an early piece, circa ~ August 1977, which tells of the good Dr's escapades in a mental institution. For the story to be complete, you would also have to include the description of the hated Lynch (oops) writing in the fresh cement in front of Gino's, and the showdown between Lynch and the Master of Reality. If you don't feel that ambitious, just the episode wherein the Dr. throws the nurse out of the 15th story window would be a good start. Tankyouse. A rabid member of the Loyal Order of Graperist Monks ---------------------------------------- Response 1 of 13 1/5/78 8:55 pm lynch / unidel Here you are Mr. Fritz, straight from the dusty old archives of Dr. Graper. This note was written last October 20 around 8-9 AM, PLATO time. The Doctor entitled this one "Genuine Dr." ---------------------------------------- Response 2 of 13 *** A Story by Dr. Graper *** 1/5/78 8:58 pm lynch / unidel Dear Friends: Jesus H. Christ if I don't know what's going on these days. Nobody wants to teach me piano, my car broke down and the guy who was going to sell me the drive shaft for my steamboat doesn't even exist (in the daylight, any- way). And now these "Brand X" Dr. Grapers are popping up everywhere. I went thru Music notes to check and see if anyone had answered my ad for a piano teacher, but nobody did. I did see a lot of other stuff. I couldn't read it though. Or maybe I did. I can't remember. Maybe I did. Did it have Lynch saying I was on a different "astral plane?" It said WHAT?? I was on a different "asshole plane?" Are you sure? That absolute ruffian! And he did what?? He wrote "I LOVE MARY BURNSTEN (a very ugly female in my Statistics class)" in the wet cement in front of the new GINOS and signed my name to it?? Why. . . .why, I'll. . . um. . . . ---------------------------------------- Response 3 of 13 *** A Story by Dr. Graper *** 1/5/78 9:00 pm lynch / unidel -Brringmm- (Guitar chord) -whooo- (Sound of wind) -scurryscurry(Sound of townspeople clearing street) -whooo- (More wind, blowing thru empty street) [Look to end of street, see lone figure slowly riding in on horse, thin cigar sticking out of strangers mouth] - CUT TO BAR-ROOM - (Rinky tink piano plays "Oh Suzanna" over and over) [Crowd in bar, especially around one man] Lynch: . .then I shot the feller right thru the haid!! Woman: Everybody knows that Wyatt Lynch is the fastest draw in all Newark. Lynch: You bet, babe. (Winks eye) I'll tend to you later. (Menfolk in crowd murmur in envy as woman goes up stairs) Brtndr: Ya. . ya want anymore drinks, Wyatt? Lynch: Naw. You got anybody I kin shoot? ---------------------------------------- Response 4 of 13 *** A Story by Dr. Graper *** 1/5/78 9:02 pm lynch / unidel Brtndr: No. . .so-so-sorry, I don't. Bu-but you kin shoot me if you like. Lynch: Ok. (Bang) (Uh) (Thud) (Lynch puts away gun, goes to piano player who's still playing "Oh Susanna.") (Lynch slams piano lid on his fingers) (Arrgh) Lynch: (Lifting lid) Now, play my favorite song. Plaer: OK, Wyatt, anything you say (Starts playing "Oh Susanna.") Lynch: Yeah, that's the one. (Man busts in through doors of saloon) Man: Wyatt, Wyatt, there's a gunman comin' Lynch: ( Lighting cigar) Hell, I ain't got nothing to worry about. I'm the fastest gunman in all of Newark. ---------------------------------------- Response 5 of 13 *** A Story by Dr. Graper *** 1/5/78 9:04 pm lynch / unidel - CUT TO STREET SCENE - (close up of horses hoofs, dust kicked up) (look up at stranger, can't see face) (Monotonous hoof beats, very dramatic) - CUT TO SALOON - Man: Ain't you afraid, Wyatt? Wyatt: What? Man: Ain't you afraid of the stranger? Wyatt: Only one man I'm afraid of , and he ain't out of jail. Man: Who's that, Wyatt? Wyatt: The master of reality. Voice: Somebody call my name? (Everybody in saloon turns and sees silhouette of stranger in the light from the door) (Brief pause while almost everybody in the bar runs away) ---------------------------------------- Response 6 of 13 *** A Story by Dr. Graper *** 1/5/78 9:06 pm lynch / unidel Lynch: Ba . . ba. .am. .se. . . Mastr: I'm back, Lynch. Lynch: So I see. Mastr: I saw my name in Dodge City, Lynch. You put it there. Lynch: But let me explain. . . Mastr: Time for explainin is long past, Lynch. I don't love that ugly woman, lynch, but now everybody who eats at the Dodge City Gino's thinks I do. I don't like that. Lynch: But. . .but Mastr: Draw. (He doesn't move) Lynch: You asked for it! (Fires six shots directly at the Master) (Master stands still a moment, then gets a cigar out of his pocket and lights it up) Lynch: Why ain't you dead? Mastr: I learned how to realize that bullets weren't real in adventure 34 of Star Trek. That's what makes me a master of reality. ---------------------------------------- Response 7 of 13 *** A Story by Dr. Graper *** 1/5/78 9:33 pm lynch / unidel Lynch: You mean the one where Captain Kirk and Scotty and Chekhov and Spock are all beamed down into this wild-west planet that exists only in their minds and that it all works out like the story of "The Shootout at OK Corral, except Mr. Spock hypnotizes them with a Vulcan mind meld. Master: Yes. Lynch: Well, how about some tea, oh great wizard and tell me abut thy adventures in the land of the Pikes?(Lynch straightens his tunic) Master: Ha!! (Sir Graper raises his arm, squeaking his armor loudly) Try to shift realities on me, will you huh? Well, two can play that game you vile sinner!! ---------------------------------------- Response 8 of 13 *** A Story by Dr. Graper *** 1/5/78 9:35 pm lynch / unidel (Sounds of crackling fires) (Dr. Graper stands upon a precipice of brimstone, wildly shaking his pitchfork and wiggling his horns) Master: Ha, for your sins upon Earth you must pay, mortal!! Lynch: No!! NO!! (Lynch is wallowing in a pool of HCL, a crown of barbed wire on his head. Fire spouts out of the pool) Master: Yes!! YES!! (Pokes Lynch with pitchfork) Lynch: (Thinking for a moment) Master of Reality!! Your fly is open!! Master: (Looking down) It is? What? What are you talking about? Lynch? What are you talking about. . . . NOOOOO!!!!! ---------------------------------------- Response 9 of 13 *** A Story by Dr. Graper *** 1/5/78 9:36 pm lynch / unidel Lynch: Now I've got you, Oh Master of Reality!! Master: This has gone far enough, Lynch. Lynch: Shut-up!! Butterflies can't talk. Master: But . . .No, you wouldn't do that. Lynch: Oh yes I would. I'm a butterfly collector. Master: You wuldn't stick a pin through ME, would you? Lynch: (talking to himself) I've always wanted a master of reality butterfly for my collection. Master: Oh jesus (straightens up wings) I'd better fly away (begins to fly away) Lynch: (Startled) Come back here!! Master: Sorry, I've got to go. Lynch: Why, you (gets elephant gun off of wall) Master: You absolute turd!! Using an elephant gun to kill a butterfly! I have a good mind to ---------------------------------------- Response 10 of 13 *** A Story by Dr. Graper *** 1/5/78 9:37 pm lynch / unidel Lynch: Where am I? (Eerie organ music plays) (Lynch runs and runs, but there is nothing but tile floor in every direction. He falls to the Ground. Spotlight comes on him.) Lynch looks up into spotlight: Please, tell me where I am!!!!!!! Dr. Graper sits back at home, watching a small bearded man running around on a tiled wasteland on Channel 1 of his television. Most people don't get Channel 1. Most people just get 2/3/4/5/6/7/8/9/10/11/12/13 and UHF. Dr. Graper has a television that gets only channel 1. He has been watching for five minutes. It is 12:30 at night, and it's been a long day. He has an examination in one of his classes, and he wants to be rested for it. He says goodnight to the television and goodbye to the little bearded man inside and shuts it all off. ---------------------------------------- Response 11 of 13 *** A Story by Dr. Graper *** 1/5/78 9:38 pm lynch / unidel The End ---------------------------------------- Response 12 of 13 1/6/78 9:44 pm d sherwood / phystemp Zelazny would love it ---------------------------------------- Response 13 of 13 1/25/78 4:16 pm proesel / alsa what most people dont know is that a long time ago TV's did receive 1 but it was elimenated because of the excessive bandwith vs. gain in the old tube tuners!