---------------------------------------- Note 15 newmaterial *** A Story by Dr. Graper *** 1/4/78 1:34 pm farmer graper / udag Dear Friends: If there's one thing you should never do, it's try to go someplace with these Delaware PLATO programmers and expect them to act respectable. Just last month, the PLATO Department head, Fred Hofstetter, got an invitation for three of our PLATO people to attend a dinner/dance sponsored by the American Association Of Digital Electronics Manufacturers. How do I tie into all this, since I don't know anything about computers? Well, Fred didn't really want to go so he gave two of the tickets to these two Programmers here, Dan Tripp and Bill Lynch. And he gave me the third ticket so that I could go along and "try to keep those two idiots in line," as he said. Honestly, computer programmers can be SO incredibly rowdy and childish. The dinner dance was scheduled for 6:00 on New Years Eve, so I had to go rent two tuxedoes for Dan and Bill and try to fish up some girls that would be dumb ---------------------------------------- Response 1 of 9 *** A Story by Dr. Graper *** 1/4/78 1:41 pm farmer graper / udag enough to put up with their usual hijinx and, if I paid them enough, maybe even dance with them. But then again, that's what I get my pay for. Well, at first it was really strange. The two of them came over to my house, put on their tuxedoes, and acted very very nice. I quite frankly couldn't believe it. I introduced them to the girls, and they were so cordial it truly suprised me. I mean, other times when the University has commissioned me to take PLATO programmers for field trips to the zoo or to a museum, they were continually acting up! Throwing their bag lunches out the window of the bus, tearing up the seats, etc. I was beginning to wonder if these two were REALLY PLATO programmers or not. Well, we all hopped into my 360SL Mercedes and started the drive up to the Hotel Franklin in Philadelphia. Again, all the way up, I was amazed at their behavior. Dan would speak politely on mild subjects with his female companion, as would Bill with his. The two laughed politely at the young women's jokes, brought up amusing ---------------------------------------- Response 2 of 9 *** A Story by Dr. Graper *** 1/4/78 1:49 pm farmer graper / udag computer anecdotes and acted in a way that I was quite pleased with. We got to the Hotel Franklin, presented our invitations and went into the cocktail lounge. "Especially watch out when those two get into the cocktail lounge," Fred had warned me, "they'll tear the damn place apart!!" But to my suprise, again Bill and Dan acted very politely. They had their lady companions sit down at a table and then BROUGHT THEM THEIR DRINKS!! Truly amazing!! I was sure that this would be a first, and that I'd have a very nice report to bring back to Fred the next day. Then dinner began. There was a short speech by Mark Penner, head of the National Semiconductor corporation, and then a suprise visit and speech from Pomeroy Osborn, president of Texas Instruments!! Dan and Bill were visibly excited by his presence, refusing to stop clapping after everyone else did, and it was only when I pushed them down into their seats that they stopped. ---------------------------------------- Response 3 of 9 *** A Story by Dr. Graper *** 1/4/78 1:56 pm farmer graper / udag I was slightly annoyed by this, but the two acted quite nice after that. The two ladies excused themselves to go "powder their noses," and Bill and Dan also left for the bathroom. I had become convinced that their behavior was going to be good, so I let them go. There was one more speech, a rather boring one by some fellow, and then dinner was served. Dan and Bill rushed back, and grabbed their plates and ran up to the food line, pushing their way to the front. On their way past, I asked them where the young ladies were, to which Bill said that they were out making a phone call. I accepted it at that and took my place in line. The three of us ate our dinner rather quickly but remained at our tables, waiting for the dance to begin. I was still somewhat perplexed at the absence of the ladies, but Bill assured me that they were making phone calls. Then, from across the hall, Pomeroy Osborn (Pres. of Texas Instruments) came over to our table and sat down for some after dinner conversation. ---------------------------------------- Response 4 of 9 *** A Story by Dr. Graper *** 1/4/78 2:04 pm farmer graper / udag I was terribly pleased!! A visit from such a prom- inent personality would be such a good influence on Bill and Dan!! "Howdy," Pomeroy said, tipping his ten gallon hat in our direction, "Mind if I parks myself hereabouts?" "No, not at all sir!! Dan, Bill, this is Pomeroy Osborn, President of Texas Instruments!!" Both of them looked at him and smiled. "Thank yuh kindly, pardner!" he said, his spurs jingling. "It's such an honor to speak with you," I said, going on and on about how great his company was. He smiled and listened to it all. Meanwhile, Bill and Dan were doing something with the leftovers on their plates, and doing it very intently. I ignored them to instead talk to Mr. Osborn. "Here, tamp it down with a slice of cheese!" Dan said, sticking a slice of cheese on top of a drinking glass full of pieces of leftover food. I didn't know what they were doing, but as long as they played with their food quietly ---------------------------------------- Response 5 of 9 *** A Story by Dr. Graper *** 1/4/78 2:10 pm farmer graper / udag I didn't mind. Mr. Osborn and myself were discussing the plans for the memory core of the new TI9000 series when I noticed that Dan had left the table. "Where's Dan?" I asked Bill. "Oh, he's gone to the bathroom again." "Oh, alright. He'd better be back soon," and with that, I returned to the conversation with Mr. Osborn. A slight ray of sunlight was coming through the west window since the sun was setting, and Bill was seemingly measuring its angle, for some obscure reason. I ignored this and went on talking. Then, Bill took off his glasses and used one lens to focus the sun's light on the bottom of the drinking glass full of food. He seemed quite intent to get something inside the glass burning. Burning? BURNING?? ---------------------------------------- Response 6 of 9 *** A Story by Dr. Graper *** 1/4/78 2:16 pm farmer graper / udag Then it came to me. I had let Dan borrow a book of matches to light his pipe! DAN HAD NO PIPE!! I FORGOT TO GET THE MATCHES BACK!!! I remembered Fred Hofstetter warning me, "And most of all, Don't Let Those Two Get A Hold of Any MATCHES!!" I quickly looked over to Bill holding the drinking glass but it was too late. He had put a pile of matches in the bottom of the glass, a pile of food above the matches lit the matches from the outside with sunlight, the matches would explode into flame, causing gases to suddenly expand, causing the drinking glass to act like a cannon and sending the food out like a shot BLATTT went all the leftovers into Mr. Osborn's face from Bill's drinking glass cannon. Mr. Osborn didn't even get a chance to wipe the gummy leftover gunk from his face, since he stood up, screaming in pain, ---------------------------------------- Response 7 of 9 *** A Story by Dr. Graper *** 1/4/78 2:23 pm farmer graper / udag burning matches sticking out from his feet. DAN HADN'T GONE TO THE BATHROOM! HE HAD BEEN HIDING UNDER THE TABLE, GIVING THE PRESIDENT OF T.I. A "HOTFOOT!!" "YOW, YOW, YOW" said Mr. Osborn, hopping up and down in pain, trying to get his shoes off. "Ha Ha ha!!" went Dan as he crawled out from under the table. "You little bastard!!" I shouted, "You'll. . ." my voice was cut short by Bill's sudden exclaimation, "FIRE TWO!!!" I was afraid to look. Turning, I saw Bill had an entire battery of these drinking glass cannons set up, and he began firing them one after the other. I was about to go after Bill when I heard a scream from the area of the bathrooms. Those two had set up a diversion! "Ohmygod," a lady shouted out, "Somebody's put a. .." She was drowned out by the sound of an explosion. "BWUUMMMMM!!" ---------------------------------------- Response 8 of 9 *** A Story by Dr. Graper *** 1/4/78 2:29 pm farmer graper / udag I ran to the bathroom, which was now flooded with water. The two girls I had gotten for Dan and Bill had been imprisoned in the bathroom, and were soaking wet. The reason was that Bill and Dan had blown up all the toilets with cherry bombs they had snuck in in their tuxedoes!! I escorted the two ladies to my car, covering them with blankets, and ran back into the main hotel area. I had hoped to avoid disgrace and grab the two before they did any more damage, but I couldn't. Bill and Dan had disappeared when the police arrived, and I decided that I had better dissappear as well. Without waiting for them, I got in my Mercedes and drove back to Delaware. Damned if I'm going to try and show any of these immature computer programmer types a good time again. Dr. Farmer Graper ---------------------------------------- Response 9 of 9 1/30/78 7:40 pm eric schact / mathx hear hear!! ohhh ilove it i love iti love it!!!!!!!!!