---------------------------------------- Note 11 magician 12/16/77 3:58 am battin / amesrad someone mentioned that they wanted to see the story bout the magician and i just happened to have it around, so here it is... ---------------------------------------- Response 1 of 11 *** A Story by Dr. Graper *** 12/16/77 3:59 am battin / amesrad guidonotes 11/16/77 12:04 pm dr graper / udmusic (Elementary school classroom, 30 teeming children milling about eating marshmallow turkeys, wiping snotty noses with arms of shirts, etc. (All over the walls are hung paper turkeys made by the children) TEACHER: Children, I've got a Thanksgiving surprise for all of you. A special treat!! KIDS: Yeaah! Whoopie!! TEACHER: We're having a very special guest today, who I'm sure will give us all a really good time. BILLY: Is it a clown? TEACHER: No, but. . . KIDS: BOOOOOOOO (hisss) BOO!! TEACHER: CLASS!! CLASS, QUIET DOWN!! (Pounds ruler on desk) ORDER!! ORDER!! [Class slowly quiets] TEACHER: Alright now. Our guest has come a long way to entertain you, so I want you all to be very polite. KIDS: mumblemurmur ---------------------------------------- Response 2 of 11 *** A Story by Dr. Graper *** 12/16/77 4:00 am battin / amesrad [Teacher opens door of classroom and quietly speaks to someone waiting outside] TEACHER: You can come in now. [In comes an old, ragged man who hasn't shaved in several days, is wearing a stained and battered tuxedo, and has upon his head a pitifully bashed up top hat] TEACHER: Children, may I introduce Dr. Graper, Magician extraordinaire!! DR: Hi kids.[Walks behind teacher's desk, slams his suitcase on top, begins to take out magic equipment] TEACHER: I'll leave you to enjoy Dr. Graper yourselves, so behave yourselves! Dr. Graper? DR: Huh? TEACHER: If any of these children gets out of line, you just tell me. DR: O.K. TEACHER: Alright. See you all in a while. [Teacher walks out of room] ---------------------------------------- Response 3 of 11 *** A Story by Dr. Graper *** 12/16/77 4:18 am battin / amesrad [Kids are quiet] [Dr. looks at kids, blows nose into red, white and blue handkerchief, sticks it back in magic box] BILLY: (In highly audible whisper) I wonder when he last took a bath? [Class giggles, Dr. Graper pretends not to hear] DR: Alright kids, let me start of with this trick I learned from the Rogshah of Siam. It's called the Siam handkerchief trick. [Dr. gets out the red, white and blue handkerchief and puts in his hand, makes a fist, then opens the fist and the handkerchief is gone] Shazam and presto, and it's gone! [Children silent] DR: Alright then, how about the world famous hat trick? Look at the hat[holds up hat for all to see] . . . See how there's nothing inside? But . . . Shazam and Presto (Dr. sticks his hand in hat) and now there is something (Dr. pulls out a red, white and blue handkerchief) ---------------------------------------- Response 4 of 11 *** A Story by Dr. Graper *** 12/16/77 4:19 am battin / amesrad [Children silent] DR: Here's a different one that you don't see everyday. . My own special . . .(koff koff) excuse me kids. . . (Dr. reaches into magic box, pulls out bottle and quickly drinks a swig) . . .needed some cough syrup. BILLY: He's not only a crappy-poor magician, but a drunkard as well (Children laugh) DR: Alright. . .here's a magic change for you. I take this pencil here. . .put it in the hat. . .oh, here, look at the hat, see? there's nothing inside. . .alright I take this pencil and put it in the hat. . .say the magic words, SHAZAM and PRESTO, and . . .here we go, it's turned into a red, white and blue handkerchief BILLY: I can see why Miss Johnson picked this guy for thanksgiving...he's a real turkey!!(Class jolts with laughter) DR: Alright, now for my next trick where I make a red, white and blue handkerchief dissappear and. . . BILLY: Why don't YOU dissappear? (Class again jolts with laughter) ---------------------------------------- Response 5 of 11 *** A Story by Dr. Graper *** 12/16/77 4:20 am battin / amesrad DR: No, really, this trick is . . .oh shit, I forget, I take a red, white and blue handherchief and. . . BILLY: [Billy makes crude comment as to where the Dr. can stick his handkerchief] DR: Hey, do you want me to report you to your teacher? (Class begins to boo, throw chalk at the Dr) DR: Hey, stop it!! (Billy runs up, begins pulling things out of Dr.'s magic box and throws them around room. Children squeal with devilish glee as Billy pulls out the Dr's copy of HUSTLER and runs around the room with it) (Dr. chases Billy) DR: If I catch you, you little bastard! (Both run around for about two minutes, then Dr. catches Billy by shirt) BILLY: You idiot! You stretched my Ban-Lon sport shirt!! DR: I have a good mind to. . . BILLY: (Arrogantly) To do what? You can't do anything!! DR: That's what you think (Grabs Billy by trachea) ---------------------------------------- Response 6 of 11 *** A Story by Dr. Graper *** 12/16/77 4:21 am battin / amesrad DR: It's always amazed me, how you little snots think you can get away with stuff like that. Perhaps if you realized (picks Billy up, carries him towards window) that I am 3 to 5 times as strong as you, you wouldn't do stuff like that. BILLY: Oh, big man!! Throw the little kid out the window. . .I dare you DR: No need to DARE me, that's for sure (Pitches kid out five story window) (Class Screams as they watch Billy plummet down and blow apart on sidewalk) (Dr. returns to magic box and gets out a strange black box) DR: Alright kids, since you didn't like my regular act, here's a new one for you. . . I get some U238. . . (Dr. gets small red box out marked "DANGER: RADIOATIV" then an optical fuse (puts red box in between silver cannisters) and the trick is ready. . . (Children frozen in fear) ---------------------------------------- Response 7 of 11 *** A Story by Dr. Graper *** 12/16/77 4:22 am battin / amesrad DR: Perhaps you little turds have heard of the theory that, if you stand in the direct center of a nuclear blast, you alone will be untouched. . .(Dr. puts the device atop his head) Well, I have reason to believe it's true. (Children scream, run about in terror) DR: Go ahead, run. I'd estimate you'd have to get about a hundred miles from here to get away from the blast. I doubt any of you can run that fast. . . (Teacher comes into room) What's going on in here?? DR: The ultimate trick, Miss Johnson!! (switch-Bang-VaROOOOOOOOOOOOM) (Bzzzzeeeeeeeeee) DR: Wow. (All clothes blown off) (Crawls out of hole in earth, sees nothing but glass ground in every direction) (Looks up in sky, sees glowing red, white and blue clouds) ---------------------------------------- Response 8 of 11 *** A Story by Dr. Graper *** 12/16/77 4:23 am battin / amesrad DR: Ah, the bittersweet feelings of Thanksgiving The End Dr. Graper. . . . . . . . . Dustin Hoffman Billy . . . . . . . . . . . Ryan Toole Miss Johnson. . . . . . . . Catherine Hepburn Nuclear blast effects thanks to PINK BRIK EFFEX and Chamberlin Studios, Delaware Theme music and accompaniment by YES (Rick Wakeman appears courtesy of A+M Records, Inc.) Special thanks to Bill Lynch who installed a GUIDO terminal at Sacred Heart hospital where Dr. Graper is currently recovering ---------------------------------------- Response 9 of 11 1/13/78 9:29 pm robertson / csstaff were these once plays or something? I love them! if you put out a publication on ALL the tales, tell me and you have a customer a happy reader a happy reader ---------------------------------------- Response 10 of 11 2/10/78 9:01 am dewitt / phystemp one more reader ---------------------------------------- Response 11 of 11 2/24/78 7:29 pm d sherwood / phystemp it wouldn't be the first frivolous book I buy